Behind The Refrigerator Door

Happy New Year!

2012-02-01T01:05:00.000-08:00

I have been back from my trip the the US for almost a month now. It was glorious! Oh and eating all the yummy food was glorious too! I even brought back a 6 lb souvenir of weight gain! Well, it was less than I thought it would be.

We recently joined a fitness center. When I say fitness center I mean a glorious Marriott hotel gym and indoor pool. It is at the City Wall Marriott. It is luxurious and smells so good!

We had been looking for somewhere for the kids to swim. The temp is now below 10 degrees at times, and the air quality is really getting to me so outdoor exercise was not going so well....so we joined for the next six months.

For three weeks now hubby and I have gone. It is so nice to be back on a routine. I continue with my running training app and then do weights and the elliptical on my "off" days. It has been SO great! It is a refreshing 20 minute walk to the gym. Funny, back home I would NEVER have walked 20 minutes to go work out, but here 20 minutes is close-by. It is all about perspective I suppose.

I also went back to my tried and true "Lose It' App on my iphone. I had told myself that I cannot do it here in China because the food is so different...but that was just an excuse. There are plenty of chinese dishes in the data base and the key is to record what I eat. Even if it is not 100% accurate it is still preventing thoughtless eating. I can go on and on about how my perspective has changed...but I will save that for my 6 month anniversary blog post on here. Stay tuned.

EDIT~ I decided that this year I am going to begin something very courageous. On the first of every month I am going to take a picture of my front and back in a swimsuit. I will use it for my own motivation. I am a visual person and this image is imprinted in my head. Also, it will be interesting to compare the pictures each month. Think I'll post them? NO WAY!

The Plan

2011-11-29T02:10:00.000-08:00

Two Weeks

Minimal sugar

No white starches

Whole grains only

Water (a lot)

Low fat

Why? I am going home for Christmas. Am I doing this because I want to shed a few pounds? No! I am doing this to prepare for the feast I will be having on the list in my last post. I also want to prove to myself that if I have a short term goal, and take it day by day, that I can be disciplined again.

Food For Thought

2011-11-23T18:39:00.000-08:00

I haven't talked much about the food here in Beijing. We have been here almost four months now and people keep telling me how GOOD it is. I am just not seeing it. Why? I am not a picky eater. I just haven't had things that taste SO good . Actually, I did but it was at a Western restaurant and it was a burger with peppercorn sauce and bleu cheese (I always love that combo)! But I highly doubt that burger is what all of the foodies are raving about! To see some posts about some of my food experiences here click here, here, here and here.

However, I am going back home to California, for the first time, in just 16 short days!!! Of course, I cannot wait to see my sweet parents, my brothers and sisters , and special friends! Of course, I can't wait to make special memories with each of them!

BUT

I cannot obsessing about the food that I am going to eat and the tastes that I miss SO much! Why? Why is food such an important part of everything I do? I think because it never disappoints!

Here is the list of my food fantasies (in no particular order).

In N Out double double (yes, I eat a whole one!)
Fenton's toasted almond ice cream with caramel (maybe even more than once)
Taco Bell (why has this not come to China?)
Sourdough Bread toasted with real butter and hot chocolate
Chipotle burrito with guacomole (avocados are expensive here)
My mom's milanese with real mashed potatoes
Black Bear Diner (anything!)
Amici's pizza (oh the thin crust!)
See's Candy!!!!!!
My mom's Christmas cookies
Costco chicken bake (Oh how I miss Costco!)

I am going to gain 15 pounds!!

And you know what? I will deal with it when I get back!

What are your favorite foods that you would miss terribly?

**if this post seems to be a little of food overload it is probably because I am posting it on Thanksgiving Day in a country that does not celebrate Thanksgiving and I am really, really missing all the fixins**

Love This!

2011-11-04T01:41:00.000-07:00

A friend found this on "pinterest" and thought of me! I LOVE it!

I need ~~to be~~

~~skinnier.~~

love myself.

Intrinsic Motivation

2011-10-25T18:45:00.000-07:00

We recently took a weekend trip to The Great Wall, you can read about it here. I'm not quite sure what I was expecting, but you do not walk on the wall...you climb the wall. Literally! The stairs are so steep that sometimes I had to use my hands to pull myself up to the next step.

A large group of us set out to hike a section of the wall and I was confident because I consistently exercise five days a week. After an hour of climbing I was no longer positive about the endeavor. While others went on (many of them were children) I decided to head back down the mountain. Oh and don't ever believe that going down is the easy part. It didn't bother me that I did not continue on. What bothered me was that it didn't bother me. Why didn't it bother me?

People are motivated in different ways. Through my introduction into running over the last two years (has it really been that long?) I have learned a few things about myself.

"Bragging Rights" do not motivate me~ I remember when Hubby and I were in Chitzen Itza and he said, "We HAVE to climb to the top of this ancient Mayan pyramid." I said, "Why?" and he replied, "To say we did it." Needless to say, I watched him reach the top from the bottom.

Competition does not motivate me~ This is why I don't like running in "events". I remember when I ran my half-marathon I was so busy thinking how much I sucked compared to all the people in front of me AND how much better I was than all the people behind me. It was so exhausting, much more exhausting than the running part!

The feeling of failure does not motivate me~ Like at The Wall, I did not feel like a failure. Why? Because I never made it a goal to go as far as the others. Although, I did feel a little embarrassed when a friend said, "this should be a piece of cake for you since you run everyday". It was a piece of cake for me for the first hour and that is exactly how long I exercise everyday..at least I am consistent.

Perseverance is not my strong suit~ All joking aside, I do lack that I am at the end I need to push farther attitude. Which stinks because how are my kids going to learn it? Why haven't I given up on exercise goals then? Well, sometimes I have for a week at a time...but I think it is because ....

Intrinsic Motivation is what drives me~ What in the heck does that mean? I do know, as a teacher, we strive to teach it to our students. It means that I do not want to let myself down. Myself is the toughest critic I know and if I stop running before the voice on my PRT tells me to I will punish myself all day long. Then I will feel like a failure. When I do achieve something and I tell myself, "I did it! Good job!" I really take it to heart and believe it. Whereas, if someone else says those same words I seem to be skeptical that they are exaggerating. Cynical I know!

So, what would be the perfect combination for success?

A nice balance of intrinsic motivation AND perseverance!

(And so it is to be my next goal. Now don't let yourself down, Jen!)

Think About What You Are Thinking About

2011-09-27T20:14:00.000-07:00

~This post is very personal and honest. I write it publicly only in hopes that my struggles can help someone else that may be feeling the same as I do. Please treat this with respect~

It's no secret that I think about how I look a lot of the time. How vain is that? But it is very rarely positive.

I do it when I see myself in pictures and mirrors.

(it doesn't help that our apartment complex has floor to ceiling mirrors in the elevators

that I ride many times a day). Before you say, "take the stairs"...we live on floor 11.

It dawned on me (while I was exercising, mind you) that ALL negative thoughts come from Satan.

ALL of them (period).

I look at myself and see big arms, a tummy and a stocky body and I think, "I hate my body", "I wish I could be different", "I am not good enough because I look like this" and worst of all "I don't deserve _______ because of the way I look". Horrifying that I am a week from my 39th birthday and I still deal with these thoughts. I can only imagine what our tween, teen and young adult daughters are thinking!

(that is an entire different post)

Are any of these thoughts congruent with a loving Father in Heaven that created us and that loves us for who our Spirit is? No!

How dare I disrespect His creation! How dare I take His love for me for granted!

I know that Satan in miserable and he uses this tool to make us (especially women) miserable like him. So when I have these thoughts, he celebrates...he wins...I am in his power.

So how do we change these patterns, that in my case are 38 years in the making? I found this excellent article here. It talks about negative thoughts. This applies to any negative thoughts whether it be related to body image, self-worth, sexual immorality, violence, other people (racism, judgement), etc...any negative thoughts are part of Satan's tool for us to be miserable!

I know that I will start to resist the negative thoughts that Satan is using to entangle me.

How about you?

Pudgy Frustration

2011-09-06T18:04:00.000-07:00

So we have lived in Beijing, China for a little over a month now. It has been full of joy and sorrow, sometimes all in one day! But more about that on my other blog.

This post is ALL about the psychological toll placed on me, and other women, due to our body image.

Here in China it is no secret that the women are tiny. I have seen more anorexic women here then at home. Although, something tells me that I am much more observant here (about everything) because it is all so foreign. But the Chinese women are just built very different from American women. However, I have come to know a handful of American women here through church. Many of them are teeny tiny also, and I am not just talking "skinny".

Why?

Not why are they like this? (although that would be nice to know too) But why do I care? Look, I am less than a month away from my 39th birthday. I am handling the whole "approaching forty" thing okay (ask me again in one year), but what I am not handling okay is why am I still not liking myself for who I am? When am I going to finally accept myself and enjoy life?

I was sort of, in a way, getting to a place that resembled my own self-acceptance back home. But here, being thrown into a pool of insecurity, I am just a mess in my head. I am constantly comparing myself to the women here. I feel like a pudgy, squishy dough woman. Forget looking for clothes (although I am really happy H&M is here and they sell American sizes).

I just really, really wonder when I am going to stop letting how I feel about myself get in the way of the great moments and memories I am making.

I continue to exercise six days a week, plus the added walking I am doing daily. My food intake I am trying to have one "regular" meal a day with the others as healthy alternatives. It just gets so frustrating when you put in so much thought energy and physical energy into one thing, and you still feel bad about it.

I spoke to a "twenty something" woman the other day and she thinks about her body a lot too. Do all women do this, no matter weight, culture, age? Is this who we are and is it innate?

I sometimes think what life would be like if all food had the same nutritional value...maybe then those of us who are pudgy wouldn't be...or at least maybe then we wouldn't be obsessed about it. What do others think when they see a tiny, petite woman? What do others think when they see a woman who has extra padding in certain spots? What are the assumptions or stigmas placed on both of these groups? I, for one, always think the tiny girls are more in control and are more successful than ones like me. Is this true? No way! But I still think it. Scary stuff!

How about you?

Has any of this ever crossed your mind?

Or am I just the only crazy one?

Old habits~ New place

2011-08-21T17:30:00.000-07:00

If you keep up with my other blog, you will know that we have moved!

We have not moved to just a new house, or a new state, or even across the country. We have moved all the way around the world to a new continent, a new country and a new city! Beijing, China!

I knew that with this transition, exercise would be so important to me. Like many others, it is often the first thing to sacrifice when life gets busy or stressed. Also, like so many others, that is when we need it the most.

I am happy to say that before we left, while all of my earthly possessions were being packed up, I kept a pretty consistent work out schedule. Now, as I am entering my third week in my new home, I am happy to report that I have consistently exercised six days a week! What is my motivation? How do I do it amongst all the change and unknown?

I am so glad you asked:)

I NEED IT~ I've mentioned before that I run more for my mental health than my physical health. When I run here I feel normal. I don't need to speak the language to run, I am just me. My music is the same. My clothes are the same. My feet and body are the same. In a place where everything is so different, the "sameness" of running helps me so much.
The food is not healthy~ Despite walking so much just to get around, I still feel like my calorie in and calorie out is skewed. Mostly everything here is fried, oily, buttery, etc. Fruits and vegetables are in abundance, which is fabulous! But lean meat is not. Forget ground turkey instead of ground beef. Forget white meat chicken instead of dark. Those things are available in international grocery stores, but they do cost a lot more.
I feel HUGE here~ I am the first to admit that my body image has never been good. But here, thrown right into the mix of tiny women, all my body parts just seem to be much bigger. We have skinny girls in America (we all know the emphasis that is made on bodies) but these women here are different. Their bodies are petite everywhere. I try not to let it affect me, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't.
I don't want to be heavier when I go home.

I feel grateful, every single day, that I began running last year. I feel grateful that I have the motivation to do it while I am here. I feel grateful that I have a beautiful place right near our apartment to run.

My philosophy of running- in real life

2011-07-04T13:09:00.000-07:00

When I am running and my legs (or any other body part) hurt, I immediately tell myself, "this discomfort is what is changing my body. This is why I am doing it."

Recently I have learned that the pain of trials is the same thing. Heavenly Father uses trials to help us stretch and grow and become more like our Savior, Jesus Christ. Without the pain we would not have that opportunity.

I know I don't speak spiritually often on this blog, but I felt that this lesson in running is worth sharing.

Running Playlist- Summer '11

2011-06-18T16:07:00.000-07:00

Music makes or breaks my workout!

Kryptonite- 3 Doors Down awesome beat

Big Girls Don't Cry (Workout Remix)- Power Music Remix

Eye of the Tiger- Survivor reliving my cheer leading routine days

The Time (Dirty Bit)-The Black Eyed Peas loved this song since the Superbowl!

Hair- Lady GaGa I am not a fan of hers, but a good beat

Where The Streets Have No Name- U2 my favorite band of all-time

Grenade- Bruno Mars love it when he says "mad woman, bad woman"

Born This Way- Lady GaGa good message, but this song drives me nuts!

Somebody Like You- Keith Urban

have loved this song since "How To Lose A Guy in 10 Days"

Mean- Taylor Swift I think I actually sing this one out loud at times, with the twang

Just Can't Get Enough- The Black Eyed Peas

they just can't go wrong with workout tunes

Don't You (Forget About Me)- Simple Minds I love to throw in a surprise song

Jai Ho!- Workout Now! Cardio Motivator

found this song on "Just Dance" for Wii. Cover pic is vulgur!

Just the way You Are- Bruno Mars Not a fave, may delete

Tonight Tonight- Hot Cheelle Rae perfect summer anthem

Save a Horse (Ride a cowboy)- Big & Rich don't judge, love John Rich- hate the other guy

What are your favorite workout tunes?

A New Everything

2011-06-12T17:12:00.000-07:00

A New Life

In just a few weeks my family and I will embark on a new adventure as we move to Beijing, China! Many things come to mind to help me get through this big transition. Running and exercise are among the top on the list. I know myself well enough to know that if I feel good about myself it will help me with all the new things I will do. But, I also know myself well enough to know that exercise is usually the first to go when life gets busy (or I am jet lagged). Soooo....

A New Goal

Did you know that there is a marathon on The Great Wall of China? Well, I have no desire to do that. BUT I would like to run the 10K in May of 2011 and the half marathon in May of 2013.

Hopefully now making this goal public (if anyone is even reading this) AND making this goal in the first place, it will get me through those times when I am tempted to give it up.

Wanna join me?

Grazing Like Cows!

2011-06-08T20:56:00.000-07:00

Moooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!

It's summertime (finally the weather agrees) and the kids are home and hungry! I can understand considering food makes every occasion better, summer included! I do things a little different during the summer, foodwise, to celebrate the carefree vibe of summer fun!

The first thing I do is I buy a big, fat bag of whatever cereal they want. I do not buy "sugar cereals" during the rest of the year so I let them choose whichever generic they want...but when it's gone, it's gone. You get the picture, make it last long versus gobble up quickly.

Another thing I do is I replace the ho-hum bread with the Hawaiian dinner rolls. They have had sandwiches aaaaaaallllllll school year long and we take picnics to the pool, water slides, park a lot in the summer. Those Hawaiian rolls are soft, tiny and sweet. Two of them per kid with their favorite sandwich accoutrement (girl=p,b&j, boy=turkey&cheese) and they love it!

My favorite thing is what I call "grazing like cows". But we are grazing on good stuff. Let me set the scene~ it's one hour after breakfast. Mom is doing the (insert dishes, laundry, floors, etc). Kid is hanging on the fridge door whining "I...am....hunggggrrrrrryyyyy". Well, I found a long time ago that if I put out a buffet of bite size fruits and veggies at about 9:30am we will all graze on it all day long. It is so easy to grab a handful when passing by. Many a times I've had to restock the carrots, snap peas or even ahem broccoli...not even lying! I just put out whatever I have, put in on a cute plate or platter (just cause I love dishes) and the best part is you never, ever have to hear "I....am.....hungggggrrrrryyyyyy" again. You may hear, "I hate that" for the first day or so but if you do not waver they will soon learn that their choice is already chosen and it's on the counter. How great to get your daily servings of fruits and veggies even before lunchtime!

Plus, come on, who could resist sweet, yummy cherries?

My favorite social gathering is...

2011-06-06T17:10:00.000-07:00

...a baby shower!!!

(because I know there will be at least one woman there who is bigger than me)

i FINALLY figured it out! (Again)

2011-05-23T19:07:00.001-07:00

No, really! I think I figured this whole health/weight/exercise/eating thing!

I have always been an "all or nothing" type of person. When I exercise well, I eat well. But if I don't go full force with exercise I slip on my treats and then say, "what the heck, I suck, I'll just eat _____".

I LOVE food though. You've heard me say before that it is not just the taste, it is the whole experience of food. It just makes us feel good. Every great experience in my life is just enhanced with good food! Must be the Italian in me.

I heard a very wise friend say, "I exercise because I love food". This clicked with me. Instead of exercising to lose weight and starve myself at the same time, I now have decided to try the following...

eat healthy most of the time

do some sort of exercise every single day (except Sunday)

enjoy the food I love during those special moments in life

do not create reasons to eat junk. save it for those above special moments (Like this Saturday when my mom, daughter and nieces go here. I won't feel guilty about it because I'll run before we go and eat well the rest of the week)

we shall see how it goes!

Girl Scout Cookies- "it's for the kids!"

2011-03-01T19:46:00.000-08:00

Those sweet, cute little Girl Scouts sure are smart!!

Year in and year out we all fork out too much money for too little of cookies!

Why?

Because they are GIRL SCOUT COOKIES! Don't say you buy them to support a good cause...and we all know there are similar knock-offs in the grocery store that we can get year round!

I think it is the pure fact that they are a limited time offer!

AND they also make the packages so small that you eat one whole row in one sitting! Then you buy another box!

Smarty pants!

My last rant about these little morsels of pleasure are I can make it (well sometimes) through events and pass up yummy, decadent masterpieces by chefs of all calibers...but then I cave on GIRL SCOUT COOKIES?

So what is your favorite?

LOVE this quote for life!

2011-01-27T15:57:00.000-08:00

I've started running again! I am back to square one...but I am positive since there is nowhere to go but forward, right? I really enjoy active.com. They are one weekly email that I actually read and appreciate. The following quote really spoke to me! Not only for running but for all of life in general!

"Another way to think of this is “no highs, no lows” — the minute you find yourself on top of the world you need to be ready to handle a setback; and no matter how low things get you’ll be able to bounce back. One great way to exert control over your running is to adopt a pretty conservative mindset, one where you take each workout as it comes, focusing not on results but rather on the progress of your overall running fitness"

Here is the rest of the article.

To My BFF's!

2010-11-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

Dear Twix & Milky Way,
We've had a lot of fun this last couple of weeks together, hanging out nearly every day. But I just can't hang with you anymore. I know you were really there for me when I had a torn calf muscle and you really comforted me through this chest cold, and I thank you for that. I know you think I am fickle since I used to hang out with Snickers and Reeses, but they grew tiresome too. You see, the real reason I'm moving on is an old friend came back into my life named exercise. Exercise and I have a real love-hate relationship but it is a life-long friendship. I know it will be hard on you at first but I know you will find comfort with the M&M twins , plain and peanut.
Take Care and Best Wishes,
Jen

My favorite breakfast!

2010-10-27T19:09:00.001-07:00

1/3 Cup of Steel Cut Irish Oatmeal (cooks in 5 minutes!) with a handful of blueberries at the bottom. Then a dallop of vanilla yogurt on top! So good and very healthy!

Ouch & Yum!

2010-09-30T09:05:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd hear myself say, "I wish I could exercise!" But you know how it is, when you can't do something that is all you want to do! Most of you who read this blog (a few of you) know that I tore my calf muscle. I've always been afraid of injury but I did push it (something about hearing Jillian Michael's voice in my head calling me weak). I felt it strained but I was so intent on my half-marathon training program I did not baby it as much as I should've. Plus...I got into a great routine on my off running days with a friend! So on and on I went until right smack in the middle of a 60 minute run I tore it. Singeing pain from the back of my calf up to my hamstring made me hobble home. I stayed off of it for over 24 hours thinking that would be enough. Then, while stepping off of a curb, I tore it again. Okay, okay I stayed off of it and iced it for a good 3,4,5 days. Now I am limping and being very cautious.

So what happens to me when I stop exercising? I also stop making healthy choices! It is that "all or nothing" characteristic that I am constantly battling. So what do I crave nowadays??? Since it is Fall...a Starbucks Pumpkin Scone!

Between this and a tall nonfat peppermint hot chocolate! Just to let you know, because I needed to log it, here are the official calories of my breakfast this morning! Hey, at least I didn't choose this which was very tempting! Is it any wonder why I am now feeling pudgy!

Tall non-fat no whipped cream peppermint hot chocolate- 190 cal
pumpkin scone- the nutritional value was not up on the website, so I used maple oat pecan scone for 440 cal.

And here is a recipe (I have not tried it yet) if you get the desire to try this at home.

Grocery Store Treasure Hunt

2010-09-13T13:16:00.001-07:00

I usually always need a taste of chocolate after lunch. I found these today! Thanks Pillsbury, they are great! 60 cal for 1 or the serving size is 3! I love it when I get permission to have more than 1. Try them! My kids better keep their hands off!

Then while waiting in line I saw this magazine cover! The bacon mac n' cheese caught my eye but immediately my eye went to "DROP 10 LBS". The subtitle should've been "...but not if you eat this mac n' cheese!" Silly magazine lay out editors!

I think this may have been the picture that my friend saw and decided to make. She doubled the recipe and found out she now had 24 servings! So she brought us (and another family) dinner. I have the best friends!

Anyhow, it was ammmmmaaaaazzzzzzing!

Chocoholics Anonymous

2010-09-11T21:54:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm Jen and I'm a chocoholic. I was doing fine, well sort of, with my chocoholic addiction. We have a See's Candy store in my town but I never went in it unless I needed a delightful black and white box as a gift for someone else. (seriously, aren't the black and white checks just classic?) But then a friend showed me that you can walk up to the counter and order a piece (or two or three) and be done. Oh Crap! Everytime I would drive past the chocolate haven I would think of this inexpensive, most delectable luxury.

After a handful of times of doing that and realizing that a) you can't look chintzy and order just one piece from the counter and b) they always give a sample at the entrance of the store AND at the register and c) I would eat ALL 5 pieces in the car before I pull into my driveway I knew I HAD to modify this addiction or I would be running just to off set these indulgences.

Guess what I found!

See's Chocolate Chips! First off, they are HUGE! I will never make chocolate chip cookies with plain, old tiny chocolate chips again. I just used the recipe on the back and they are seriously amazing! But here is the best part! When I am feeling the need for that sweet indulgence I can go in and buy a bag of these chocolate chips and get the two free samples (for my immediate consumption) and I will always have a bag on hand to make the best chocolate chip cookies ever! At my rate I may have my year supply of See's chocolate chips someday. Now...I wouldn't put it past myself to eat these "droplets of goodness" on the way home too but that is a topic for another chocoholics anonymous meeting...until then...

With Child(ren)

2010-09-09T15:26:00.000-07:00

Not me, silly!

But what do you do when all of your training partners are pregnant? Well, you turn to your Ipod (iphone for me) of course!

After my half-marathon in May I stopped running. One day became another and before I knew it the Summer was gone and I had only logged about 3 miles. I did continue to work-out other ways though. This week I felt the need to run and that I did. But I knew I wanted to progress and without my partners I was at a loss.

Then I found this app, personal running trainer.

You can start with working up to 1 mile. You listen to your regular Ipod music and a training voice comes over to tell you what to do. It really is easy to navigate. **the only problem is, do not answer a call or open a text or it will kick you out** a great excuse for your running time to be your running time!

I am working on this one, 10 weeks to a half marathon. I am not sure if it is too progressive for where I am right now but I am excited about the challenge. Your first training day is free, and to upload the rest is very reasonable. I paid $4.99 for mine.
Happy Running!
Remember...if I could do it you can too!

I'd like you to meet my friend, "Hungry Girl"

2010-06-25T09:12:00.000-07:00

If you do one thing today- DO THIS!

Go to Hungry Girl and sign up for the daily emails! I usually HATE daily emails, but hers are so valuable I save them everyday and use what I see!!!

There are recipes, tips and the thing I love most of all...healthy and great products to look for in the store! I hope you love her as much as I do!

Naps! I'm giving YOU permission!

2010-06-18T09:08:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine, along time ago, said to me, "I take a nap almost everyday." She said it with no guilt and with confidence. That really stuck with me, it almost gave me permission to join her in her siesta ritual!

I LOVE naps, however I almost always feel guilty when I indulge in them...mainly because most Americans are working their fingers to the bone each minute of every day!

I am officially making naps a part of my weight loss plan! Why? I have entered stage 3 of my weight loss plan...losing the last 20 pounds. I am hitting it hard! I have been exercising twice a day (in the morning and again at night). The only way I have the energy to exercise at night is if I rest for an hour in the middle of the day. Yesterday I was busy all day, and after getting up at 5:45am I was dead by 9:30! That's usually I hit the elliptical. I knew my body was telling me I needed sleep...so I hit the hay! It dawned on me...I did not nap!

I am giving you permission to nap too!

Even if it is not for weight loss, you will find the rest of the hours of your day are more productive. You will have more energy in the evening AND you will be more patient with your kids!

**you may not be able to get a hold of me anywhere between

the hours of 1pm and 3pm**

Major cravings!

2010-05-20T10:08:00.001-07:00

Have you ever craved a drink? I do! I cannot live without these little Crystal Light singles (or Wal-Mart brand)! If you have trouble getting your water intake in, try these! They are a little pricey, but I use only a half of a stick for mine. I just like a lighter taste. I love every flavor, although Rasberry Ice and Cherry Limeade are my fav!

They are low in calories because they are made with Splenda. But most importantly they help you to drink your 8 ounces of water a day! I love water, but I love these even more. My kids love them too!

Back to the Basics

2010-05-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

I have began stage 2 of my path to healthy living...here are some things that I have adjusted...let me know if there is something I should add that works for you!

Instead of running for training I am back to running (and exercising) for weight loss. There is a big difference.
I am back to counting each and every calorie on the "Lose It" app on my iphone.
High protein (lean), whole grains, lots of fruits and veggies.
NO EXCUSES! no excuses to avoid exercise, to stop before I should AND most of all, NO FREE PASSES to eat junk!
Continue with an all water and milk drink menu (no soda or juice)

Want some motivation? Watch the Biggest Losers run their marathon!

(sorry, I tried to find a link, but it was impossible. Episode 18, aired 5.18.10)

Oh...my...goodness! If they could run 26.2 miles, I can do it! (someday)!

Half Marathon!

2010-05-05T07:24:00.001-07:00

The sting is beginning to wear off...so I can talk about it (i.e. blog about it)now.

This past Saturday I ran my first half marathon! (13.1 miles) I learned many things from this experience. All in all I did not have the sense of accomplishment I had from my 10k's or even a 10 mile run around town, more about why later. First some pics...

All smiles before-hand

barely smiling afterward

Here are some things I learned that maybe you can learn from too-

despite early registration you still may not get a shirt (I have faith that they really will mail me one)
do not underestimate eating the night before a race, or even the morning of. My body shut down early on and the lack of nutrients was why.
on long runs carry water, even when they say they have ample aid stations. This race ran out of cups at the last four aid stations. This also hurt my performance.
I should not have set my personal standards so high. I said, "I just want to finish" but in my mind I was saying "I want to run the entire way". After I had to walk briefly I felt defeated and the negative talk set in.
running races plays major mind games with me! If I could just focus on myself instead of all the other runners around me I may do just fine.
although in my heart I want supporters waiting for me at the finish line I just really, really felt guilty about how long they had to wait...doing nothing....while I ran.
the mind endurance is far more difficult than the physical endurance.
natural childbirth was easier than this for me.
I thought I wanted to run a marathon, but now I am not so sure...we will see!
friends can get you through anything, these ladies saw me at quite a low point!

Anyone out there have a similar experience to mine? Anyone?

THIS makes it all worth it!

2010-04-21T21:15:00.000-07:00

It all began with my first race. My hubby and kiddos were kind enough to meet me at the finish line and were so excited to see other kids finishing the race. The entire way home they plotted how they were going to train and run in a 5K. When we got home they did all the research, printed out a training schedule and found a race to run in! They chose this race. For the first two weeks they trained every day after school. Then it dwindled away ...

What a great race choice it was! It was so organized and the weather was perfect!

Ready, Set, Go!

The three of us started together but D quickly shot ahead and we never saw him again. I was praying the entire time that I wouldn't come across him down the trail with medic for trying to sprint the entire way. He was determined to push himself!

E and I split up too.

As I finished I saw D already cooling down with water. I turned and was able to see E cross the finish line. Our times were 30:04, 32:23 and 35:40. I was so proud of them!

We stuck around for the awards wondering if by chance either kid made it in the top 3. We were thrilled when D got FIRST PLACE for the under 9's And 10-14!!!!

He was able to go up on stage and get a medal! E was happy for her brother, but she was proud of herself and can't wait to do it again! When D finished he said, "I almost pretended to faint so I didn't have to finish." I've felt like that before too buddy!

WAY TO GO!

State of Mind

2010-04-14T15:28:00.000-07:00

~We've all heard of the "power of positive thinking". But I'd like to talk about the "power of negative thinking". I know it is not as fun to talk about, but nevertheless we NEED to discuss it.
~The challenges that we face usually are gauged on how we look or react to a situation. The days when I am having a bad run it is because I am saying things like, "this hurts today." or "I can't do it" or "How much longer?"
~The last few weeks I have been in a huge rut. My rut began in my mind. My attitude towards people and about things became tense. I totally think it stems from hormones but that is beside the point. I definately noticed that when my attitude changed my physical health changed as well. Which is the chicken? Which is the egg? It is just a vicious cycle. You know what I mean...we are down so we rest and not exercise. Then we feel guilty because we didn't exercise and feel more down. Or we eat a treat because we think it will make us feel better and then we feel discouraged that we blew it and feel worse...the vicious cycle!
~ Two Saturday's ago I ran 9 miles...last Saturday I made it to 7, but barely. I feel as though I've gone back to being a beginner. My eating has suffered alot. When I used to look at situations as a hurdle to jump over and feel success from, now I look at it in rebellion and say, "why shouldn't I be able to eat that?" or "what can really happen if I eat that?" This is just SILLY talk, I know! I know what will happen if I do it, exactly what happened before!
~ I guess what I am trying to say is when our "moons" are aligned (not literally) things go smoothly...but sometimes things get off. The true challenge is how to ride through the non-alignment and get back on track!
UPDATE- Moments after I posted this self-pitiful post I was literally sent two things that really answered some concerns of mine!

This article- 5 Ways To Run Past your Mental Blocks was waiting for me in my email inbox! So great!
This weeks The Biggest Loser was on my DVR- Holy Cow! I haven't even gotten through the entire episode and I have audio recorded Bob's "pep talk" and Jillian's "motivation" to Victoria about running. I needed to hear both of those things! Also, when Suze Orman told Koli he wouldn't win because he didn't count calories...now that is motivation!

Despite this being a sensitive and personal post, I really felt others go through the same things I do. Please share any strategies that have helped you get through your slumps!

PS- my alarm is set for 5am and my running clothes are out :)

The Challenge Results!

2010-03-22T19:26:00.000-07:00

So the first leg of our challenge is complete! What a long three weeks it turned out to be! Do you know how many opportunities I have in a day to have sweets, even though I do not seek them out? No wonder our nation is heavy! One thing I have to say is this: If you need help, ask a reliable friend! My friend kept me totally accountable, even when I messed up! Here is the story of my mess up:
I had been doing well on our challenge. No slip ups or even horrid temptations that I could not overcome. Partially because we made one modification. That is, we could eat sweets when we were together (in moderation). So I was over at a friend's house helping her move. I had not eaten breakfast (tsk tsk). It was about 11:00 and her husband opened a bag of FIG NEWTONS. I thought, "This is like a breakfast bar". Not even thinking about the challenge, I popped one in my mouth! I LOST over a Fig Newton!!!!! If I was going to lose I wanted to lose over something worth it! So I called my partner in crime and she made me a deal...if she could have the entire day off, we could continue the challenge without me losing. So I drove to See's and bought her a half pound of her favorite candy. I didn't even eat the free sample!
So now our next leg begins. Same rules apply, except for we are allowed one serving of sweets twice a week. That means NO mess ups! Wish me luck! Oh and BTW, I lost 2 pounds with this challenge!

If you'd like to see my second race, visit here.

"Fort Knox" of sportsbras!

2010-03-11T14:52:00.000-08:00

Whovever said shoes were the only thing you needed for running was wrong! I've always bought my sportsbras at Target and they seemed to be okay. Well... my daughter videotaped me crossing the finish line and when I watched it all I could think was,"MY BOOBS ARE OUT OF CONTROL!" It was then and there that I vowed for that never to be the case again!

A couple of weeks ago I went to Nordstrom and got fitted for new bras! Get this...my size went down 3 sizes, however my cup size went from double letters to triple! Hooters here I come! I was acutally thrilled! All who know me well, know that my boobs are one part of my body that I do not have issues with...until the said video.

After looking all around town for a sports bra that would "hold it all in" I finally decided to go to the running store. This is what I found and boy is it great! No movement whatsoever!!

Enell Lite- They are pricey but worth it!

The Challenge Is On!

2010-03-03T11:17:00.000-08:00

Ever since my race, I have been not doing so well in the "low sugar" part of my commitment! I have been doing great in training for my half marathon, but let's face it, I still want to shed 20 more pounds and eating Girl Scout cookies, Dove chocolate and yummy cake is not the way to go!
So as my friend and I were in mile 4 of our first day of hill training I was moaning about not being motivated to eat right...a challenge was born! Here it is! I am accountable to you all now too!
No "dessert type item" from yesterday (3/2) until the evening of March 19th- this includes (but is not limited to)

cookies
cakes
chocolate
ice cream
Nutella
chocolate chips
hot chocolate

We may have one dessert for one night- one night only!

The consequence if either of us fail:

a picture of us IN OUR SWIMSUIT (taken by other person) to be posted on Facebook! ( I say blog too!)
buy the other person's dinner on March 19th

Bring it on!

HELP! SOS!

2010-02-25T11:01:00.001-08:00

SOMEONE PLEASE COME TAKE AWAY THE DOVE CHOCOLATE IN MY HOUSE THAT I BOUGHT ON A VALENTINE'S CLEARANCE! I THOUGHT I HAD THE WILLPOWER TO EAT IT WHEN I REALLY, REALLY NEEDED IT...BUT APPARENTLY I DON'T!

SOMEONE RESCUE ME!

I did it- and hope to do it again!

2010-02-22T18:36:00.000-08:00

Not too long ago, just about three and a half months ago, I took a step. That step was a jogging step instead of a walking one. Little did I know that that one step would open up a door that I never knew was there!

My secret of jogging got out. I began running to half of a song on my IPOD, then a whole song, then run one song/walk one song. Before I knew it, it felt better to keep jogging rather than walk and start back up again. So little by little I added song by song to my distance. Soon I lost track of the number of songs and I began to count minutes and miles!

This is my great support team who encouraged me to take the step to run in a 10K event. (I don't call them races because my goal is to finish). They directed me here for training. Their undoubting faith in me led me to have faith in myself. I would train alone during the week and run with these gals on Saturdays. Did I mention they are marathoners? Marathoners supporting little ol' me!
I have now lost 35 pounds and plan on losing 20 more!

This is all so new to me- registration-
And we're off! This is at 1/2 mile. The other girls went ahead which I was so glad about. I did not want to hold them back. We are still chatting up a storm at this point.

What a great venue. This is the San Leandro marina. It was an up and back course which means we ran 3.1 miles in and then back again. All along the water with views of San Francisco and the Oakland airport. I have to admit, though, I only noticed the view for the first mile or so.

Mile 5- notice my friend is loooooong gone. Still okay by me. I was in the zone! I think my IPOD was playing Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" at this point. Do you know how many songs can relate to running? LOTS!

Total fake smile...

....until here! I could see my family and friends waiting for me and I felt like I wanted to cry! It was so amazing to accomplish something I never even wanted to do! Then I heard my 8 year old son yelling. "You psycho!" over and over. Yeah...you thought I was gonna say, "Yay Mom!" Nope he chose to deal with his emotions by calling me psycho! Needless to say, it took a little wind out of my sail! Oh well...

Hallelujah! 6.2 miles! Ran the ENTIRE way!Even Jupiter came to cheer me in. I am kindly telling my son, "Please do not call my psycho when Mommy does something great."

Ladies, I look forward to many more to come!

THE FUN HAS JUST BEGUN!

Restaurants- Friend or Foe?

2010-02-16T17:47:00.000-08:00

I LOVE eating out!

I love sitting down and being served!

I love perusing the menu!

I love the conversation that freely flows across a booth!

As a matter of fact, going to lunch (moreso than dinner) is in my top 3 favorite things to do! But sometimes eating out gets us into trouble! Like when I really only want dessert, but end up ordering an entree because really, who just orders dessert for lunch?

BUT since I have been eating healthier I still LOVE eating out and have found that I not only welcome the challenge, but have favorites at all of our local pitstops! It is easy to load up on steamed veggies...just beware of salads! Many restaurant salads are higher in calories than a favorite entree.

Below are some of my low calorie favorites that I not only love, but crave! They are so good that I am not even tempted to order the cheeseburger!

Please leave me a comment about what you like to order out!

In N' Out- hamburger with grilled onions, protein style (no bun, wrapped in lettuce), cut in half. Cut in half is important, it makes you feel like you are eating more! 1/3 order of fries (I share).

Applebee's- Steak and Portobello mushrooms, Weight Watcher menu (yummy gravy)

Chevy's- Lunch portion of the Santa Fe Chop Salad with apple chipotle dressing.**This is so good I crave it and it is always my first choice when I go out**

Olive Garden- cup of minestone soup (luckily I am not a lover of their breadsticks, I know right?) Apricot chicken...YUM!

Panda Express- Hot and Sour Soup (100 calories!), chicken and green beans

Texas Roadhouse- 6 oz steak, side of steamed veggies

Cheesecake Factory- weight management salad **see tip below**, share a slice of splenda cheesecake. I could not tell the difference and it is all about not depriving yourself!

Costco Foodcourt- I have not been acurately able to determine the calorie count of their turkey wrap so I have made it a rule of thumb to eat only half and take the other half home.

** RESTAURANT TIP! Ask your server to pack up half of your entree in the kitchen and bring it out with the check. They may question it at first since it creates more work for them, but when they know you mean business they are fine and you only eat half the calories and can have an entire other meal the next day**

I used to only go out to eat just for the dessert. Usually I do not get dessert but so many of our favorite places are doing the "shot glass" desserts now. They are perfect because they are just about two bites and just enough to satisfy your sweet tooth!

Chocoholics Anonymous meeting in session...

2010-02-02T17:09:00.001-08:00

My name is Jen and I am a chocoholic...Hi Jen!

I am not talking to chocoholics that are like, "Oh, I only eat the best chocolate or no chocolate at all." I am talking to those of you who crave that sweet and smoothe taste at a few different points throughout your day. That is me! Can you relate to this?

You've just finished a very satisfying lunch or dinner. It was healthy, filling and satisfied all of your taste buds...except those darn chocoholic ones! Here is our solution!!!!

Listen, I am not crazy! You need to have two of these a day (40 calories total) for your daily calcium intake. So it is perfect right after lunch for that sweet craving and right after dinner too. I LOVE milk, but as I have cut back on calories I also have cut back on my milk intake. This is a perfect way to get something I need and something I want all at the same time!

Thanks Costco demonstrators!

No, I am not getting any sort of monetary kickback for the last two posts about Costco. Although I'd be open to it if they wanted to!

Dear Costco,

2010-01-28T14:49:00.001-08:00

Dear Costco,
Let me just begin by telling you that I am a very loyal shopper and feel giddy when my soles hit your concrete floor. Recently I have been looking for healthy alternatives for my family and have come across many in your wide, hugh aisles.
However, a few of the foods that have become a staple in my home have not seen your shelf in the last couple of weeks. I am beginning to panic! These are my "go to" foods that taste good and help me stay on track! First, you continue to sell Sabra Classic Hummus in large containers. But I fell in love with the 150 Cal 2 ounce containers. Have you people tried to dip pretzels in them? Please bring them back!
The second item that I am mourning the loss of is the Morningstar Original Veggie Burger. Sure you continue to carry the Boca Burger, but I ate one and had an awful aftertaste in my mouth for the next 12 hours! Throwing a veggie burger on your Orowheat Whole Grain Sandwich Thins are a very satisfying little treat.
I know I can hunt these items down at other stores, but do I really want to? No. I would love for you to just kindly put them back on your shelves and all will be well.
Thanks!

A Happy Ending to my Funny Story!

2010-01-13T18:47:00.000-08:00

So you recently read about my TRUE hilarious story (hopefully you read it)! It does not end there my friends! I happen to be back at Anthro and I see it again...heartbeat...look at tag...uh!it is now marked down to $39.99!...size XL! I'm trying it on...
I BETTER NOT GET STUCK IN THIS ONE!
Yay!
It is too big!
Make purchase.
Go to tailor, pin waiste and arms.
Pay $20.
Pick up on Friday.
I JUST LOVE A HAPPY ENDING!
Small print: If I am feeling good...you will see a picture in my perfect frock!

~true story, funny story~

2009-12-22T07:41:00.000-08:00

ahhhhh- vacation!

The first thing I do when I have a moment to myself is go shopping. We are in Southern California. The weather is a balmy 75 degrees and Fashion Island is beckoning to me! I peruse all of the stores I normally do not get to fancy (Bloomingdales, Neiman Marcus, Z Gallerie) and then I see it...my favorite store of all time...Anthropologie!

Do I begin in the kitchen? Oh the accessories are adorable, maybe I should stop there first! That coat is to die for, should I just try it on now? Oh,oh,oh! The sale "room"! Most stores have a sale rack, this store has an entire room!

There it is! I see it! And it is on sale! Regularly$128, now $64. It is a starched silk shirt dress. It is black and white plaid with a full skirt. It has the greatest shape and texture and I am in love!

Checking through the four that they have...small, small, small, ooooh medium! I've lost weight (25 lbs to be exact!) I can wear a medium...easy! Oh no! The zipper is broken and they are selling it "as is". I am petite. This dress is full. I am trying the small!

It goes on easy. Oh My Goodness! It is the dress I have been dreaming of. Cute enough for church with tights and flats, dressy enough for a party with hose and heels. I...am...in...love!

Uh-oh, the zipper will not go up. Now that I mention it, it doesn't fit at all! Okay, okay, okay it is not working out at all. Get it off me quick so that I will not elongate my disappointment! As I pull it up over my head...it is STUCK! er, er, er...move, move, move...it is still STUCK! Okay, I cannot move and the dress is stuck on my arms over my head and I am naked from the neck down (I am wearing my underclothes). Crud! I am starting to not be able to breathe and this dress is permanently STUCK. My arms are starting to go numb over my head and I can't see a thing. I am beginning to panic since I am somewhat claustrophobic!

Just then I hear, "Jenny, how is that dress working out for you?" The salespeople are so nice at my favorite store! They even write your name on a quaint little mirror outside your dressing room so they can be sure to call you by your name. :) I reply, "uh...well...it is too small...and...uh...I am stuck." I hear a little giggle, "Oh, do you need another size?" I am really beginning to get light headed now, partly from my arms above my head NUMB and the lack of oxygen.

"No, actually I just need help getting unstuck."

The look on this sweet young girls face must've been priceless! Of course, I could not see it since I was in a mound of gorgeous black and white plaid prison! With a little yanking and tugging, my size 0 hero helped me to freedom. I have never gotten out of a store so quickly in my life! I wasn't even done browsing! (Don't worry, I did go back!) All the while thinking of the broken zipper on the size medium and wondering if someone else, somewhere got stuck in their dream dress too!

Keep sticking to it because I am not yet a size small!!!

Meaningful choices

2009-12-04T16:32:00.001-08:00

In the book French Women Don't Get Fat by Mireille Guiliano it says, "Making choices that are meaningful to you is the essence of the French woman's secret."

Yesterday I did not do that at all. I was famished all day. After the kids got out of school, I found a leftover container of cheese tortellini. I wolfed down a cup full (yes I measured). THIS WAS NOT A MEANINGFUL CHOICE! I WAS NOT CHANNELING MY INNER FRENCH WOMAN! I don't even like tortellini!

So fast forward to last night... A church Christmas dinner event...Homemade tamales, homemade refried beans, homemade Mexican rice. I DID NOT HAVE ONE BITE! I was regretting my foolish afterschool binge because tasting this authentic Mexican fare would have been so much more a meaningful choice !

___________________________________________________

I have been hosting a Holiday cookie exchange every year for the past six years. I love to bake at Christmastime! This year I decided to choose a cookie that would not tempt me. I chose Biscotti. My mom and I spent the entire day baking loaves and cutting them. I will dip them in chocolate and be done. Guess what? There are a lot of unuseable end pieces! And guess what else? They are good! My preplanning failed a bit...

How are you getting through holiday celebrations without guilt?

Tales from 5:30am Workouts :)

2009-11-15T08:51:00.000-08:00

~ One particular morning I saw some eye candy. Now I am not peaking into windows, but when I stroll by (in the dark) when the rooms are lit..well...you know. I didn't see this before,nor since, but one morning in two seperate houses I saw men...buff men...with their shirts off (maybe other items off too). One was making coffee while the other ironed clothes. Hehehehe...
~ This past week I rolled out of bed and grabbed the first sweats I could find. Lights off I pulled them on and went out to walk/run. I've been incorporating jogging into my workout now. One thing I've learned is jogging does not work when YOUR PANTS FALL DOWN! That is right, my sweats are now too big and they slithered down my thighs. I completed my full workout, but had to hold up my pants while doing it! Do you think anyone happen to be peaking out of the window at 5:40am???? NAH!
~Who would've thought my neighborhood would be so scandalous before 6AM!

Music as Motivation

2009-11-06T21:02:00.000-08:00

My workouts definately depend most on the music that I am listening to. I am not one to watch tv or chat while working out. First off, my heart rate is directly related to the beat of the music. Second, when I find myself getting into a workout rut I buy another song or two. It is amazing how good music has even coaxed me out of bed on a cold morning.

I organize my workout music on my iphone into workout playlists. I group them into 30-40 minute playlists with warm up, cardio, and cool down songs. Below are some of my favorite workout songs...I'd love to get your favorite workout songs too!

~ Cardio with upbeat~ mostly pop so it tells a story to keep my mind off of my misery and so I can sing along in my head~

Sk8er Boy- Avril Lavine
Dance, Dance- Fall Out Boy
How Far We've Come- Matchbox Twenty
Know Your Enemy-Green Day
I Gotta Feeling- Black Eyed Peas
Party In The USA- Miley Cyrus

~Running/Elliptical/Spinning hill climb~ steady beat that gradually builds to encourage speed~

Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol (my all-time favorite workout song)
Rush- Aly & AJ (Good speed on chorus)
Collide- Howie Day (my all-time favorite everything song!!!)
Don't Stop Believin' - Journey (blast from the past, but great encouragement!)
Come Back To Me- David Cook
Sometime Around Midnight- The Airborne Toxic Event
Meet Me Halfway- Black Eyed Peas
Viva La Vida- Coldplay

~ Warm up/Cool Down~

Forever Young- Alphaville
Beautiful Day- U2 (Live)
No Air- Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown

Progress...can't believe I am posting this!

2009-11-01T18:19:00.000-08:00

~Goodbye 150's
~Hello 140's
~Next stop 130's

Celebrations

2009-10-25T15:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, so I know it is no excuse but I am Italian and it is not uncommon for us Italianos to celebrate life's joy with food! Whether it be big events like birthdays, vacations, weddings, etc food is the main part of the festivities!

I also would celebrate the little things in life with food also. I would look forward to every opportunity to partake of a "treat" just to celebrate any moment for whatever reason. When an opportunity would present itself (especially chocolate) I would tell myself why I deserved it. Some of my reasons were: I worked hard today, I am a good person, Hubby is gone again, I did _________ well, etc.

When I would be at a restaurant, that would be a celebration in itself. I would order whatever I wanted because I would say: I may not have this opportunity again for a long time so I'd better take advantage of it, _________ food would make this experience so much better, She is eating what she wants- why can't I too?

Unfortunately, the opportunities to partake of junk were not few and far between. The experience never was better because I felt icky after because I was too full or sick, and I will NEVER EVER be that girl who can eat junk and look petite!!! NEVER!

~ Now life is different! I am celebrating soooo much more but without all the extra calories!

In my master bathroom, behind the opened door there is a wall that I can see when the door is closed. I have mentioned this bulletin board wall before. I put stickie notes up whenever I make a healthy choice. Here are some of my celebrations.... my daughter says I am bragging, but hey! I'm not waiting for anyone else to pat me on my back!
~ I completely cut out soda
~ I only ate half of a Thai Chicken Salad
~ I ordered fat free dressing for dinner
~ I have recorded every bite on "Lose It" for 21 days
~ I have walked 28 days
~ At Disneyland I made good choices the entire time
~ I went to the movies and ate nothing
~ I went to a party, brought a healthy dish and ate only that
~ I passed up banana bread at church
~ I went to a birthday party and did not eat cake or ice cream
I encourage all of you to make a list of accomplishments. If I falter or waiver I know I can look back for strength. Oh, and if you want a pat on the back you can ALWAYS turn to me and I will celebrate with you!
~

WHO ARE YOU?

2009-10-18T15:01:00.000-07:00

Here is what I am!

a daughter of God
a woman
a wife
a mother
a daughter
a sister
a friend
a teacher
a reader
a decorator
an organizer
a volunteer
a coordinator
a hostess
a student

the list can go on and on!

But WHY is it that sometimes all I feel I am is:

short
plump
squishy
frumpy
sloppy
uncute
yucky!

Above is a recent picture of me with three great friends! This picture says it all. I am always the shortest, always the chubbiest and no matter how positive I try to be...it takes a toll! I guess you can say that sometimes I feel like Mater instead of Lightning! I should just get shorter friends! LOL

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS: I'VE LOST 10 POUNDS SINCE THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN...SO MAYBE I CAN STICK TO THE FIRST LIST INSTEAD OF THE SECOND FROM NOW ON!

???WHO ARE YOU???

Visualization

2009-10-07T18:07:00.000-07:00

I remember a long time ago when I sat in a Weight Watcher's meeting and they passed out a flyer about visualization. It went something like: "if you visualize yourself eating less, you will eat less". I guess it has something to do with the self-fulfilling prophecy.

Lately, a certain sort of visualization has popped into my mind and it has been quite helpful! I am not sure how it began but hey...whatever works for now I will take! ~You see, when I eat healthy things or drink water I can picture it going through my body clearly and efficiently (not a pretty picture still).
~When I think about junk food going through my body (even the yummy stuff) I picture it like a big, gross, gooey, grimey hair clog (you know you've all seen one) trying to go through my intestines. Before I even began eating better I completely gave up soda. Not because I do not like it, but it literally hurt my stomach in ways that nothing else does! I even picture soda going through my body like gasoline. Try sucking down a Diet Pepsi while picturing gasoline...I took a sip of hubby's soda out of habit and after not drinking it for a few months it literally tasted like complete chemicals.
~ Do you use visualization to get you to your goal? What are some things you have visualized or am I the only crazy one?

~The Killjoy~

2009-09-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

I love to socialize! I love talking, eating, laughing and being around my friends! I have a horrible confession to make! In the past, I have felt uncomfortable around friends who eat healthy! You see, I am Italian and food is as much of a part of socialization as the conversation itself! So I have always felt more at ease socializing with friends who can have the freedom to eat and enjoy food without counting calories or picking at half of a slice of cake while I devour the whole slice....and then have seconds!!

How unfair I have been! How judgemental I have been! Instead of valuing these friends for what they can bring to the table (not literally), my guilt would prohibit me from being inspired by these friends. To my healthful friends: I apologize!

Recently, I have become the killjoy! This weekend I went to a couple of social events with family and friends. While I sat eating veggies, salad and turning down a donut I felt others around me tense up, or make comments about themselves , as they notices the choices I was making.
Why do our food choices matter so much to those around us? It is the exact reason for this blog/book. No matter who we are FOOD guides the way we act and react!
**If you know a "killjoy"- compliment them! It may have been a hard choice to choose the celery stick over the potatoe chip**
**If you are a "killjoy"- be sensitive that others may feel guilty at your good choices and look to yourself for praise instead of others**
And while socializing, I will focus on the people NOT THE FOOD!

Here I go AGAIN!

2009-09-22T14:10:00.000-07:00

For those of you still with me THANK YOU! I promise to be more active on this blog NOW!

Is it something about season change that always makes us want to start anew? There have been so many people in my life recently who have been such an inspiration to me. My friend who I've known the longest (since 5th grade) recently came to visit and she is eating right, exercising and completely revamping her lifestyle! Another friend of mine just reached her 120 lb loss mark, amazing! A couple of my friends just completed a half marathon and are now training for a full marathon. (I'm in awe!) I totally believe that people are instruments in the hands of God and all of these friends, plus many more, have inspired me! Even when Facebook acquaintances post their accomplishments about healthy changes I feel a nudge that I too can do it! So thank you to all!!!

So here is what I have come up with:

Low Carbs
Low Sugar
NO EXCUSES

When I would tell myself (or others) why I don't exercise it was always an excuse! When I would tell myself (or others) "oh, I can't live without chocolate" it was an excuse! I have the skills and the tools so it is all up to me to use them. Nobody else will make me healthy...just ME! Join me and we will motivate eachother!!!!

~from there to here~

2009-06-02T14:07:00.000-07:00

You all know how much I struggle with my weight! It dawned on me...

How did we go from thinking this is sexy...

...to this?

Maybe instead of trying so hard to be "skinny"

I can work on bringing the curvy sexy back!

it may be a lot easier

My chapter title on PMS...

2009-04-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

~ There's A Chocolate Smudge On My Pamprin Bottle~

I haven't spoken about the book lately. But ideas are always swimming around in my head! The other day I went to take my allergy medicine, tucked away in my medicine cabinet. Next to it was a Pamprin bottle. No lie, I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, there was a chocolate smudge across the child-proof instructions on top of the Pamprin bottle. I knew then that someone "up there" was telling me to continue with this book and that this would make a hilarious chapter title for my PMS chapter!
Have a great weekend!

~ I am an addict!~

2009-04-14T11:25:00.000-07:00

Setting: an outdated room with chairs facing each other in a circle. Men and women, all shapes and sizes, fill the chairs.

Me: Hi! My name is Jen and I am a chocoholic!
Others:"hi Jen"
Me: I've always known that chocolate was something I needed. For a long time I would use the excuse of PMS or the chemical that makes you feel like you are in love. Recently I began to notice that I do anything to get a hold of some chocolate. I don't eat it once a day...I eat a little bit of chocolate a few times a day. Often times I forfeit normal meals just for a handful of creamy bliss.
Others: gasps of surprise
Me: I know it is shameful. It gets worse! I teach first grade. We asked for candy donations for the kids egg hunt. I filled the eggs with the candy that I didn't like and saved the Reese's and other chocolate for the other teacher and I. (head held in shame, the continues) I also have been known to steal candy from my own children just to get a fix.
Leader of the group: Jen, you are here now to get help. That is what matters.
Me: I don't always cave in to temptation though. When in line at the grocery store, even Home Depot, I have picked up a Dove bar and quickly put it back on the shelf. I have done that once or twice.
Others: good job, claps of encouragement.
Leader: That is it for tonight. Can't wait to see you all back next week.

~ A helpful tool~ Lose It!

2009-02-20T12:24:00.000-08:00

So here I am again, trying to jump start my motivation. I really, really want to feel comfortable with wearing short sleeves in the spring and summer. I am not even talking sleeveless! Just short sleeved shirts! You would think that would be enough motivation , but it's NOT!

I was feeling pretty good about myself (see last post), but then we went out with some friends for Valentine's Day. I felt smokin' hot in my "little" black dress. Then the next day I saw pictures from that night. One word, and only one word, came to my mind! It is the perfect word to describe my "petite" frame . Do you want to know what the word is? I will tell you if you understand that THIS IS NOT A FISHING TRIP FOR "you are not!", "I can't believe you would say that", yada, yada, yada...If you know me, and you are inclined to say those things...please know that this word is my truthful perception of myself and maybe, just maybe, that will be motivation!

Okay...the word is...PUDGY! That is what I am! I even checked out Websters.com and it said, "short and plump". Yep, that is me! Okay, enough of that! So I found an application for my iphone that seems to be really good. It is called Lose It! and it is FREE! I loved the whole WW journaling system and this is basically that; you add your exercise and deduct your food. It lets you put in a goal and figures out how many calories you need to consume to meet that goal. Just the perfect gadget to keep me moving! Check it out and tell me what you think!

~ IF YOU HAVE A TOOL THAT HELPS YOU MEET YOUR GOAL, PLEASE SHARE!

~mirror mirror on the wall~

2009-01-31T08:37:00.000-08:00

One of the things I did recently was to buy a full length mirror. It may sound silly but I have never had a full length mirror. My experience with mirrors is standing on toilets to see from my knees to my neck in the vanity mirror. I am not sure if it was subconsciously avoiding on my part, but I am here to tell you...IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A FULL LENGTH MIRROR, GET ONE NOW! Here are some things I have learned by actually seeing my full body (grey roots down to unmanicured toes) in the mirror.

When I stand there naked I look like one of those "before" Hydroxycut people in a swimsuit. NOT GOOD!
There are some outfits that I really like that make me look horrible!
There ARE parts of my body that I actually like (besides my boobs).
Jeans ARE my friends, not my enemies.
A good bra IS as important as Oprah said it was. (One of the only things I agree with Oprah on)
My hair and face are not the first place your eyes go when wearing the wrong thing.
Accessories are an asset to any look.

Have you had any epiphanies while looking in the mirror? I want to hear them or any other thoughts on the whole mirror subject!

~ confessions of a perfectionist~

2009-01-10T16:48:00.000-08:00

I have been contemplating some of my behaviors lately. Much of this has little to do with weight, but I can always see a relation somewhere, be patient with me on this one though. When I do not do something completely to the end I feel a sense of anxiety. Does anyone out there know what I am talking about? Let me see if these can explain a bit better:

staying up until 3 am to finish an entire event or vacation scrapbooking
reading a novel in a few days and neglecting ALL of my responsibilities to do it
cleaning out every single closet and drawer in our entire house in a ten day span

These are just a few examples to illustrate that I just HATE starting something and not finishing it. For those of you who think I am nuts, I truly am not because I often procrastinate on things if I cannot start and finish them in the same day. Here are some thoughts I've had about this.

Am I just really impatient or need instant gratification?
Is delayed gratification worth the anxiety it gives me to not complete a task?
Guilt really does not play a part, it truly is anxiety.
Why does it have to be all or nothing?

These thoughts have led me to the whole idea of obedience. Taking all of the above things into consideration, I wonder how this behavior translates into my spirituality. Many of you know that I am LDS. I have not always been a member of this church, but I truly love our Savior, Jesus Christ and His gospel. When it comes to me practicing my religion I have tried my very best to be obedient. I am not claiming to be perfect at all. When I am asked to do something; whether it be a calling, scripture study, etc. I take it very seriously. The thought crosses my mind though, "is it in vain?" Am I being obedient because of the anxiety I feel to not do something completely?

So here is where it relates to my health and weight?

~Do you have an "all or nothing" attitude about health and habits?~

~Do you consider yourself a perfectionist?~

~Why can I not apply the same behaviors to eating well?~

All insight is welcome, except mean things that call me crazy!

It's Official...I'm OBESE!

2008-12-24T21:39:00.000-08:00

We got Wii Fit during the summer. I vowed to NEVER get on it because I did not want it to tell me that I was obese. Lately, I have been feeling good about myself (well content). So today my daughter was meditating on Wii Fit and I kicked her off and thought to myself, "heck, I am probably just overweight." So I hopped on, did some basic things and there it was in BIG, RED LETTERS - OBESE.

Okay, not really a great idea to do this on CHRISTMAS EVE! Was I really surprised? Did the portly little Mii character really look like me? (Picture to follow)
Have you had an outside source tell you news like this? How did you react?

~holiday talk~

2008-12-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

How did you do during Thanksgiving? Did you go in with wild abandon and eat whatever you wanted? Or did you restrain yourself?
Personally, with fourteen house guests in my home for four days I was so busy I often forgot to eat. Can you believe it? I was so busy taking care of everyone else's wants and needs that I neglected myself. Imagine that of a woman? But really...I felt so great being the hostess I really didn't need to stuff myself silly. Oh, don't get me wrong...I had my fair share of See's candy. But did you know my wonderful mother-in-law also brought a 2 lb. box. We ate one box and the other has been barely opened. It may also be because I have a killer cold. Whatever it may be, I am not questioning it!
Tell me about your holiday. Did anything hilarious happen? I want to hear your stories!

~lock it up and throw away the key~

2008-11-15T23:54:00.000-08:00

Right now, as I type, there is a two pound box of See's Candy in my cabinet. I bought it because I will be having 14 house guestsat my house for Thanskgiving weekend and EVERY celebration includes See's at our house. As a matter of fact, from as far back as I can remember, a box of See's candy was passed around Christmas morning for breakfast as we opened presents.

Unfortunately, it is really hard for me to keep it all wrapped up in the cabinet. It will be a miracle if it survives until turkey day!

Are there any foods that you physically cannot resist (you could eat it any day, any time, anywhere?)

What foods are a must-have in your holiday celebrations?

Does food even play a major part in your holidays?

Are there people out there that it doesn't? If so, I WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU!

~a little experiment~

2008-11-14T08:48:00.000-08:00

So when I was thinking of turning a new leaf I set up this board in my bathroom. I made a chart with 52 slots. My theory wa to take it week by week, one pound a week. I would weigh myself each Thursday morning (naked). I even marked small milestones for more immediate gratification. Do you know what has happened? Check this out:
10/9 baseline
10/16 +.8
10/23 -1.0 (finally)
10/30 EXACT SAME!
11/6 EXACT SAME!
11/13 +.2

To make sure my scale was working properly I weighed everything from my kids to my purse. No, it was not stuck! So I have a new theory... is this where my body is comfortable? In some weird way am I supposed to be at this weight? Is it possible for your body to be in balance and still be 40 pounds overweight? Any insight?

~check this out~

2008-11-05T20:44:00.000-08:00

Thanks to Darlene at Our Creative Life, I was introduced to this fabulous website! It is called myshape.com and with answering a few simple questions it will tell you what body shape you are, pick out clothes that flatter you and it is free shipping ALWAYS!

How cool is that?

In case you were wondering...my shape is M which they say is:

Proportionate Shoulders, Bust & Hips
Often a Straight Shoulder Line
Defined Waist
Curvy or Rounded Bottom

sounds good to me!

btw...I just went shopping for some jeans today. I bought a size 10, short. You know what? I felt happy to be a 10. Afterall, it is not a 12 or a 14 and it is only two sizes away from a 6 (my fantasy size). I think 10 is a great number!

~a minor setback~

2008-10-29T08:52:00.001-07:00

If you would like to read about my latest derailment, check out here. Seriously, the week of my period I am pretty much a mess in what I eat, totally unmotivated to do ANYTHING and feeling guilty the entire time! I just have to keep telling myself, "You will get back to it".
How do hormones or your "cycle" affect your goals and life?

~Attention YOU!~

2008-10-21T13:47:00.000-07:00

Writing this book is sooo fun. I hope you all think it is as funny as I do! I will give you a little teaser.... " I’d like you to meet my most loyal friend, Fanny Bottom." For those of you who do not know, my real last name is Bottom. Yeah I know! I knew I had to use it in the book somehow and put it this way, Fanny is a huge character in this book!
Who do you think "Fanny Bottom" is in this book?

I know there are plenty of outspoken, humorous, opinionated women out there! Please email me your thoughts about this subject that ALL women agonize over. Our bodies, food, exercise, etc...

~may i help you?~

2008-10-19T07:13:00.000-07:00

A few years back I worked up the nerve to go into Victoria Secret. You see, hubby and I were going on a "second honeymoon" and I had stashed away some money. My plan was to have a different piece of new lingerie for every night. I was excited, but nervous, for my little shopping spree in the "pink palace". My spree did not last long when the seventeenish size 2 said to me, "we do not carry anything in your size". Seems like a scene out of Pretty Woman huh? I walked out, with my head hanging low, straight into Lane Bryant (which only had bras and panties).

**Since then, Torrid has opened up and have a great selection of plus size lingerie. YAY!**

Have you ever been denied service or been treated "differently" because of the way you look?

Thanks Jennie and Jenni for inpiring this post!

~shopping list~

2008-10-16T07:22:00.000-07:00

I am in a phase right now where I only where 3/4 length sleeves or longer to camouflage the arm flab.
Is there anything that you "have to" wear to disguise problem areas?

~Attention size 2, 4, 6, 8~

2008-10-13T15:43:00.000-07:00

I want to hear from YOU too! I know that as women, no matter what size we are, there are always things that bug us about our bodies.
Do you see yourself as you truly are?
What is it like being on your side of the fence?
Do you work hard to stay where you are at?

~the voice in our head~

2008-10-12T21:23:00.000-07:00

If you are like me, you probably have people telling you what to do all the time. We all have voices in our heads that tell us what we should eat or what not to eat. You know what I mean, like the voice that whispers, "don't put those walking shoes on. It is much warmer in bed." Sometimes our voice says things to us about the way we look or why we do or don't deserve happiness.

what does the voice inside your head tell you? (about food, exercise, self worth?) what have you done to overcome listening to that voice?

~friend or foe?~

2008-10-12T18:33:00.000-07:00

We normally do not intend to offend anyone, but sometimes it happens.

Has anyone ever said anything to you about how you looked that was just really rude? If so, share it...

~the mirror in your head~

2008-10-12T17:00:00.001-07:00

For me, I go back and forth about my distorted body image. Some of the time I see myself as the tiny person I once was. Then reality sets in when I look at a picture or in a mirror. Unfortunately, it is not a real reality...then I see myself as obese.

How do you view yourself in your head? Is is accurate? Do you have an experience you'd like to share that relates to your body image?

~ why a book~

2008-10-12T16:33:00.001-07:00

Welcome to a project that has been in my heart and mind and on my small, petite frame for a very long time. You see, when I was little I wanted to be a novelist. My first two years of college I went from a journalism major to a creative writing major to an English major. Guess what I graduated in?...Child Development.

As I moseyed down the path of life I always kept the idea of writing a book in the back of my mind. Frankly, I never found anything that I felt compelled to write about...until a long airplane ride and it hit me like a ton of bricks! ME AND MY WEIGHT ISSUES! As I whipped out my iPhone (because I had no pen or paper on the plane) I fiercely typed in six hours of thoughts. It was very clear to me that this would be like no other weight loss/or lack of weight loss book out there. It was going to be a hoot for everyone, big or small, to read.

Then it dawned on me. If I have funny, introspective thoughts about this subject then I KNOW other women do too. And here we are, on Behind The Refrigerator Door, ready to join in this process together. Let the fun begin!