Excuses? Yea, I got 'em! SO WHAT?

TRUE STORY!

We rent our house, therefore, we use 3M products to hang our pictures...above our bed! Yep! Last night one came CRASHING down on my HEAD while I was snoozing soundly.I NOW know what it is like to be punched in the side of the head. IT HURTS! 

**TIP OF THE DAY** Never decide NOT to workout in the middle of the night...my instinct was to abandon my plan. But when I woke up (after FINALLY falling back to sleep) I was ready to go! 

BONUS TIP! Use nails!

Don't Be PERFECT this Labor Day Weekend!

This morning I did Les Mills Comabt after a break from it. My feet were fumbling and my rhythm was way off, but I got a GREAT workout in and had fun!

**BEST WORKOUT MUSIC EVER IN THAT PROGRAM**

Especially on this holiday weekend, don't try to be perfect in your health, but try to be BETTER! 

* BETTER than yesterday

* BETTER than last weekend

* BETTER than last Labor Day weekend

JUST BETTER.

Answer below! What is your "Plan of attack"?

 What things WILL you do to be BETTER on this holiday weekend?

To Feed The Craving or Not Feed The Craving?

CRAVINGS? 

Ugh, we ALL have them! Some are salty, some are sweet, some are on certain days of the month, some are certain hours of the day. Guess what? There is NO secret potion to make them go away...although Shakeology CERTAINLY helps with them, have you noticed? That is because your body craves what we feed it....more on that later!

Often times a "craving" is merely our mind suggesting something to us. Maybe it was from old habits (ie: going through drive thru on certain nights of the week) or traditions (ie: passing around See's Candy while opening Christmas presents). Either way, very few times our body is ACTUALLY needing that food item.

Case in point...at the beginning of the summer I did Beachbody's Ultimate Reset, which is a 21 detox and cleanse program with 100% clean eating. As mentioned earlier, I ALWAYS crave sweets a few days before I start my period. **LIKE "GIVE ME CHOCOLATE OR YOU DIE" CRAVE** Well, of course part of the Ultimate Reset included those days and guess what? I did not NEED sweets at all!

So, when we CRAVE a burger, ice cream, chips or cheese...ask yourself these questions:

1. Am I bored, tired, thirsty, hurt or angry? And is that why I want this?

2. Is this a "mind suggestion" (like seeing a commercial) or do I really NEED it?

3. If I eat this WILL I be able to bounce right back to my meal plan immediately? (BE HONEST! You will ONLY hurt yourself in you aren't)

4. Is this something that is special and "one of a kind"?

If, after you answer these questions honestly, you still want that treat...

I SAY GO FOR IT!

*EAT IT

*OWN IT

*ENJOY IT

*MOVE ON

We ALL KNOW deprivation does not work! This is NOT a diet, this is a lifestyle! And if you saw my In N' Out Double Double post yesterday you saw that A) I don't want a life without Double Doubles and B) I learned that running the day after was HORRID! You will find that a lot of the times you will learn it is NOT worth the splurge and you will be stronger from it!

Have you had a craving that you were strong through?

Have you indulged in a craving and learned from it?

SHARE BELOW!

My Super Scary Summer Plan ~ 2014

I wanted this summer to be different. 

Even though I am working hard in my health and fitness I knew I needed to be pushed harder. 

So this summer I am tackling my top three fears when it comes to my health and fitness. 

Here is the plan.

1. Beachbody Ultimate Reset- 21 days to reclaim, release and restore. More than a cleanse or detox program. It is a reset on the inside. Supplements and strict eating plan, WITH ONLY WALKING, scares me. But I am ready! It came today and I am excited to see some drastic changes in my energy, clarity and fitness. May 1- May 22. Stay tuned for daily Reset Blog Posts.
2. Insanity- This is the only workout program that FREAKS ME OUT. I don't know why. I know people who've done it and they've survived. I have done a few isolated workouts from the program and it was tough, even during the warm up. My calves ached after each time. But it is time to face. this. fear! I will start on Monday, May 26th. 
3. Run my second Half Marathon- This will have been my fourth half training, but only my second half marathon. Why? I hate running races/events. I love the training because it is only myself. My mind gets all messed up on race day. BUT it is something I have needed to do, to see the commitment through again. So I gathered some friends together to keep me accountable (you can join in too) and I have picked the race. It is on Labor Day in San Pedro! I will use Insanity as a cross training program with my training program.

With these three steps I will be in the best shape OF.MY.LIFE this summer! Each step relies on the previous. I set it up like that on purpose to help me see each phase through. 

NOW, if you know me, the more the merrier is my motto! If any of these above appeal to you, I am looking for friends to join me in any of the phases or all three! Not near by? No problem. All of my support groups are on Facebook. Just ask to join me in the comments and LET'S FACE OUR FEARS TOGETHER!

80-20 Rule and Mary Poppins

I LOVE the 80/20 Rule ALMOST AS MUCH as I love this picture! Mary Poppins was my idol while I was a young mother and BEFORE I figured out how unrealistic my expectations of myself were!

.>

I love the 80% healthy 20% not-healthy rule, especially on days like today when I had a piece of my daughter's birthday cake. It was lovingly made by a good friend and was three layers of coconut yumminess! WHY would I ever want to miss out on her sweet 16 cake? LIFE is full of celebrations that involve indulgent treats! THE TRICK IS....DON'T CREATE CELEBRATIONS DAILY JUST TO EAT TREATS! Let's face it....life is so cool we COULD find something to celebrate multiple times a day if we really wanted to....SO the 80/20% rule is the way to go!

DEDICATION not Perfection

I have been thinking a lot about why I have been able to STICK WITH IT and NOT GIVE UP...and it really comes down to DEDICATION. That whole "NO MATTER WHAT" mentality. When I am tempted to throw in the towel (and believe me, I get tempted!) I think of the opposite results if I DID give up...How would my life look if I wasn't DEDICATED to getting healthy? 
- I would have 30 more minutes a day (and I would probably sleep or watch TV with those). 
- I would eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. This would be really, really fun at the moment but an hour later.....sick, unhappy and BROKE!
YES IT TAKES SACRIFICE!

Instead, I am:
- showing my family how important health is.
- gaining confidence
- GETTING GOOD NEWS AT DOCTOR'S VISITS (and isn't THAT what it is all about?)
- much, much happier!

So, to me, IT IS A CHOICE, no doubt. Option A/Unhappiness VS Option B/health and happiness?
NO BRAINER FOR ME! HOW ABOUT YOU?

My Fitness Lesson on The Great Wall

They weren't kidding when they said, "I CLIMBED the Great Wall". The first time we went to "the wall" I was going to the gym and running 10 miles on the treadmill, about 3 times a week. I thought I was in pretty darn good shape. Then a group of us went to the wall and I missed the memo that it was climbing...I thought you "walk" on the wall. 

It was quite embarrassing because the group I was with knew how often I went to the gym and ran, but immediately when we started on the trek up, up and UP I knew I was going to struggle. Much of the wall was crumbling, the steps were over half the length of my legs and the were completely vertical. I was NOT LOVING it, to say the least.

What I realized that day was that physical fitness is not about ONE THING. I really think that most of regular society believes that running is the optimal physical fitness peak, when really it only measures PART of your physical fitness!

I am SO MUCH better shape now than I was back then, although I was running a lot farther then, per week. So, I was good at endurance. But what about the rest of the things that made climbing the wall so difficult? Many of my friends, who rarely went to the gym, weren't having as many issues as I was. It really made me think. 

Physical Fitness is SO MUCH MORE than endurance and cardio-vascular health. It is about agility, balance, strength and even more than that! Don't sell yourself short thinking you are "not good enough" because you are not a runner...or have a six pack...or anything else. Look at your strengths and weaknesses and work on COMPLETE physical fitness. 

Your body and your mind will thank you!

My family and I on the wall.

Priorities~ Where are YOURS?

Let's chat a minute about priorities. When I was unhealthy for my entire THIRTIES it was because EVERYTHING else was my priority over taking care of myself. Of course, our families needs often come before our own...however, do other things creep up and invade OUR priority of being healthy? I have learned that making MY HEALTH A PRIORITY IS NOT SELFISH! Why? Because when I am exercising and eating right I am a better wife, mom, friend and daughter of God. It makes me the opposite of selfish. AND I am showing my family that health is a PRIORITY, and let's face it...don't we want our children and spouse to be healthy too? We have to teach it! So....here are some ways that have helped me make my health a priority...share your tips below too!

• - Scheduling my workouts. Do NOT be intimidated or guilty if 30 min or one hour of exercise takes away from "family time". I hear this a lot! How are we going to teach our children that exercise is important if they don't SEE us doing it?
• - Say NO to unhealthy habits. This is where I struggled with my family. Be strong and show yourself AND others around you that your health is a priority. With Thanksgiving coming up, take this opportunity to stand up for yourself. My own mom is finally catching the drift that this change is forever, but I have to be strong around her!
• - Invest some money in your health. This is the tough one! BUT when you spend some money on a new workout outfit, new running shoes, a new workout program or a piece of equipment...it makes us NOT want to waste that money so we stick to it more! I hear, "I cannot afford it" A LOT! Yes, you can, if it is a priority, it is amazing what we have money for when it is important to US.

NOW YOU! GO!

My Nightmare With A Happy Ending

I have used many things to motivate myself. For example, I took bikini pictures (for my eyes only) and burned it into my mind. I have also used a "celebration board" for whenever I did something healthy I wrote it on a sticky and posted it.

 I have used many other tricks, but two nights ago my subconscious gave me some good motivation with a nightmare. I dreamt that I looked and felt like this again. . .

Please excuse my picture quality, I snapped this from a photo book.

The worst part about the dream was how I felt. I immediately felt sad, humiliated, depressed and hopeless when I felt unhealthy again. Do you ever have dreams where the feelings are so intense that when you wake up you swear it happened? 

That is how it was!

And it was horrible!

I NEVER want to feel like that again...what great motivation!

Hubby and I at my heaviest...thirty pounds from what I weigh now. 

 Hubby and I have been married for almost eighteen years. We have both gained and lost over the years, but at different times. This time we are both on the same path and we are in sync! I can't give you any tips on how we got on the same path at the same time. . . maybe the stars were aligned. 

 It helps so much to have a common goal of good health. Our methods may not always be the same, but our goal is...to be healthy and to stay that way! I can't tell you how much it has impacted all areas of our life and our marriage. 

Hubby and I last month at the Great Wall Mutianyu-
almost thirty pounds lighter than the picture above. 

I am pretty excited that I am only four pounds away from when he married me!

Don't Let PMS Derail Your Health Goals

~This post falls under "there's someone else out there just like me who might need to hear this" category~

It's that time again. . . so soon?

 It seems like it was just last week! 

The signs trickle in; growling at car horns instead of ignoring them, struggling to keep my eyes open when I have had plenty of sleep, considering actually eating cocoa powder because it is the only thing resembling chocolate in my home AND feeling like I have brick posts as legs as I try to exercise! 

Can you relate to any of this?

This is how I know that I am about five days away from starting my period. 

When I look back at all the times I have derailed and "fallin' off the health wagon" I am convinced that each time I was PMSing. I know it can be a clichè to use those letters as an excuse for all our woes, but I am sick of that clichè! For me, it IS when I respond differently to life than any other time. . . and not just when it comes to my physical health. It effects my relationships and emotional health too.

Something to help keep it in perspective.

Even though I have been experiencing these exact same symptoms for two and a half decades (!) it boggles my mind that I still can get a little shaken by them each month. Doubt sets in with thoughts like, "Uh-oh, is this the beginning of my downward spiral?" 

Here are some things that really help to power through the temptations and obstacles of hormonal changes:

• Keep telling yourself that these feelings ARE temporary. They will pass!
• Similarly, remind yourself that you WILL be energetic and motivated again soon.
• You've worked so hard, don't let these days allow you to go backwards (gaining weight, losing muscle, losing endurance). You don't want to have to re-work the work you've already done. 
• I always retain fluid, like most, while preparing for my period so I lower my goal for that week/week and a half to maintain my weight rather than lose.
• While still keeping your goals in mind, allow yourself a little bit of slack. Continue to exercise each day, but don't push it as hard. The goal is to keep your habits in tact, not to be perfect.  
• Likewise, allow yourself a moderate treat when you have a craving. Otherwise you will resentfully and bitterly binge and really throw yourself off track.
• Find someone to commiserate with (like me!) that can help you reiterate these things to yourself.

Once I realized that these struggles were temporary, I found I could bounce right back quickly to my plan. 

Do you have anything to add to the list that helps you stay focused during PMS time? 

Do you PMS differently? If so, share!

Skin & Bones? No way!

It took me a long time to figure this out! How about you?

Acceptance

Kalapaki Beach, Kauai

Happy New Year to the few people who read this blog!

We had an amazing time on our holiday break away from Beijing. You can read more about it here, here and here if you are interested.

I've been procrastinating this post because...well...you know...not many good things to report on the health side of things. BUT that is not what I am choosing to focus on right now. More about that at the end.

One of the things that made this particular trip wonderful (besides being with family and the wonderful Hawaiian island) was that I was not self-conscious or insecure a bit about how I looked. What? This is me! I have never, ever have been in that state of mind. Even at my lowest weight, and most fit self, I would be thinking about how things would only be better if I were looking better. I am not sure if it is age or what but it was wonderful to push away any negative feelings if they meandered into my mind. The result was a fun-filled time. Maybe I didn't have rock hard abs in my pictures but I did have a genuine smile of happiness and acceptance. That is better than being a size 6....well, maybe. 

The question remains though...how do you accept yourself without easing off and letting yourself completely go? My goal is to continue to work toward my goals WHILE STILL accepting myself for who I am. Sounds like a no-brainer for some, but for me it is a BIG STEP. You see, I have had a habit of beating myself up for failing or focusing on what I haven't done right, instead of what I have done right. I am working hard to change that.

The good news is that despite my acceptance of my bodacious bod, I also accepted what the scale told me when I returned home. Right off the bat I ask myself, "when is this seesaw going to stop?" Almost immediately I answered it for myself. When I am in the US visiting I way over indulge in all of the things I can't have here in China. I reward myself over and over for my sacrifices. I enhance my visits home with all the yummy (yet SO unhealthy) foods that I miss so much. Until this routine stops, I will continue to be on this cycle of working hard at being healthy and blowing it on my visits home. It is all me, no excuses...that is just the way it is. And I am NOT implying that my weight issues began here in China. That is not the case.

So, fess up time! I gained almost ten pounds from the time the Doctor told me I couldn't work out to the moment I arrived back in Beijing! That is horrendous and proves that I am all or nothing. And my nothing, in this case, was high fat foods all through the month of December. However, I knew that change was imminent. I came back to Beijing and was ready to jump back in to my old ways. I am calling it my 90 day Detox from American Junk Food! I am saying 90 days because I want to have a point where I evaluate how far I've come. Of course I want to detox forever.

The plan: 

go back to the gym daily (today was day 3!)

vary my workouts using cardio, weights and yoga 

count my calories on LoseIt!

focus on being healthy and not being skinny

check in with my "accountability friends" and motivate them too

combat discouragement (the hardest one of all)

Thanks for checking in with me and let's get healthy together!

Body Image- Focus on the Positive

I am so grateful to hear more about positive body image in the media. As a woman who STILL struggles with the compulsion to "be skinny" and being a mother of a teenage daughter, I work hard to fight the urge to be negative, to not associate my worth to how I look and to be a good role model to my children. 

Hats off to celebs like Christina Aguilera, Demi Lovato, Selma Hayak and Kate Winslet who speak out about loving themselves despite working in a pressure filled "skinny" society. As a matter of fact, Amy Poehler inspired this blog post. I completely fall into the category of  looking to the worst part of my body in the mirror and focusing on the parts I want to change the most. In an effort to change that I am going to try hard to list as many positive attributes of my body as I can. I urge you to do the same. 

• I think my ankles and wrists are feminine.
• I like the length of my neck and that it is not wrinkly (yet).
• I have been known to tell my closest friends how much I love the size of my boobs.
• I like the hazel color of my eyes. 
• I like my muscular calves, thanks mom.
• I enjoy being petite, barely being 5 foot.
• I am grateful I can run and be active.
• I am thankful that I have had no serious health concerns.
• I appreciate the fact that I don't get sick too often.
• I am happy that I am still flexible.
• I am thrilled I can write, type and do things without being sore from arthritis.
• I am thankful that I can hear well.
• I am happy with the size of my feet, not too big or too small.
• I am grateful for the fact that my body carried two healthy children. It really is amazing.
• I like being on the muscular side, I should've pursued a gymnastics career.
• My husband still calls me hot and I love that.

What an interesting process! It baffled me that with every positive comment I thought of a negative one popped into my mind. For example, I do love the size of my boobs but wish they were a bit more firm. TMI? Wrong blog. This really showed me that it is not natural or easy to point out the good things about our bodies. Maybe because some of us were told by our grandmothers to not be  conceited? Maybe because we began telling ourselves negative things at such an early age and it is habit? Oh how we need to change that in our rising generation! 

It is essential that I work on the skill of turning around negative thoughts daily. It is not going to happen on it's own (at least it hasn't over the last 40 years). I, also, am going to do another one like this but about who I am on the inside. It will be a struggle to fight the instinct to criticize, but it is so needed.

Did you take my challenge to do this? 

Did you get anything out of it?

Check in ~ 10.26.12

Besides being flat on my back this week, it's all about the Giants in the World Series!
I call this picture "Biggest Giants fan in Beijing"!

Challenges of the Week: Injured my back during Saturdays work out. I thought it was a pulled muscle and treated it as such on Sunday with rest, ice, heat, bath, Advil, etc. Was so determined with my new work out regiment that I did it on Monday and then was out for the rest of the week. Got a massage on Tuesday which made it worse, making me think it is a pinched nerve instead of a muscle. Made an appointment with a Chinese Dr.  for next Wednesday. I also hosted an activity at my house and used that excuse to try yummy recipes. Leftovers, despite me sending them home with people, almost got the best of me. Needless to say I was frustrated and off kilter as I laid on my back all week. When my control is taken away my mind automatically goes to a negative place. I saw a picture of myself and became depressed. Looking back, long term, and noticing how short I've come with so much work added to that depression. Sad to not be able to move a pebble... emotional roller coaster for sure!

Successes of the Week: So happy to not gain this week! I have no idea how that is possible, but I am taking it. I was so enthusiastic to begin these new additions to my exercise routine and can't wait to get back to it. When I am not able to exercise it always makes me realize how much I enjoy it and need it for my mental well-being, as well as my physical health.

Weigh-In: down .6 (by the grace of goodness)

Looking Ahead:  Very gun shy about any sort of activity. I am hoping that will change quickly. Praying I can get back to it!

The Kitchen VS The Gym

Courtesy of Pinterest

Did you see this New York Times article? It caught my attention because despite my hours and hours of sweat equity in the gym I just wasn't losing weight at the rate I thought I should. I work out 5-6 times a week with an hour of cardio and thirty minutes of weights, abs and stretching. Someone with those stats should be looking pretty fit if you ask me! Well, fit is not a word I would use to describe myself. Mind you, I do not exercise solely for the purpose to lose weight. I truly want my heart to be healthy and to ward off potential diseases, plus it balances out my hormones and makes me happier. However, I am not going to lie, weight loss is my number one motivation to exercise because it should be more tangible and gratifying. Yes, I have lost almost 20 pounds total. But it has taken a long, long time and I have had a recent slip up called, "Summer in the US".

I fight the temptation to be bogged down with self-pity when women with arm definition works out 3 times a week or women who are a size 6 eat twice as much as I do. Yeah, I gotcha. We are all built differently yada, yada, yada. I do not ask for much:

I simply want my appearance 

to represent my effort.

Then I started hearing things like "It's been known for some time that, calorie for calorie, it's easier to lose weight by dieting than by exercise", said Dr. Timothy Church, who holds the John S. Mcllhenny Endowed Chair in Health Wisdom at the Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Louisiana and who has long studied exercise and weight control. I've seen this firsthand demonstrated by others around me. I think, subconsciously, I knew this because I named this blog Behind The Refrigerator Door instead of Behind The Gym Door.

I guess it is because I enjoy exercise more than I enjoy missing out on yummy food. I also feel like I am more in control of exercise and I feel slightly out of control when it comes to eating. Making a healthy choice happens over and over throughout the day, whereas I only have to choose one time whether or not to exercise.

So what didn't work before:

Despite the fact that I was exercising up the wazoo I was only partially cutting back on my food. I was eating healthy, more fruits and veggies, almost no carbs (when I did it was whole grain only) and little sugar. Sounds good right? What I wasn't doing was watching my portions. I had the mindset of as long as it is healthy I can eat as much as I want. That is not so. If I continue to implement the good eating habits, I am a step ahead of the game. Now I just need to watch the calories. I've gone back to good old "Lose It" on my phone and logging every single thing I eat. It works! This week I did it and lost 2.5 pounds!

Another thing that didn't work is a few times a week I would tell myself I worked out hard so I deserve this. Now that I am starting to understand the components of weight loss I hope to not justify those "extras" just because I exercised. I am not one to deprive myself of a little chocolate here and there, so I will just make sure the treats fit into my daily caloric intake. 

Before I would weigh myself every morning. I did this for the instant feedback on how I did the day prior. This is so wrong in so many different ways! We all know that our bodies weigh differently throughout the month, week and even day. Despite me knowing this I couldn't keep off of the scale! What ended up happening was that I was on an emotional roller coaster headed straight toward the fridge! 

I decided that I will work hard all week, recording every bite and continuing my exercise routine (because it keeps me sane), and I will only weigh myself once a week on Friday morning. It was much more rewarding to see a larger number drop and what a relief to let go of the daily obsession. I felt the satisfaction from the actual work rather than the result. Although, the result is fantastic feeling too!

I am also looking for some accountability. I hope to begin a "Friday Check In" post that tells what my challenges for the week were and what successes I had, along with my weight loss for the week. I am hoping that it will keep me focused throughout the week knowing I am publicly reflecting on my week. We all need support! I need it from you and I am more than willing to support you too!

The bottom line: focus more on what I eat and how much of it I eat. Continue to exercise but don't use it as a pass for treats.

Who's with me?

Hormones ARE real

Last week I cried for two days straight! I blogged , cried, prayed, cried, wrote in my journal, cried, read, cried...it was horrible, not just for me but for everyone around me!

Now that I am out of that midst of darkness I can talk about it. I am sharing it because I need to realize that it is real, not going away and menopause is going to be scary! I am also sharing because I know others out there can relate. I was depressed. I thought I was the worst person in the world, feeling guilty for everything, and not being able to see the positive in anything. I could not even think about doing the smallest, simplest task; everything was overwhelming. This was the pity party of all pity parties!

I do have a history of episodes like this. It doesn't matter who I am with (I remember my sweet two year old daughter wiping my tears) or where I am (Hawaii) when it strikes, watch out! Last week was a lot worse than anything I can recently remember.

On day one my phone rang. You have to understand that our phone here in Beijing rarely rings, unless it is the middle of the night and it is a solicitor from the States. We have a vonage American phone number. Anyway, my dad's number came up on caller id. He never  calls.  Of course, thought number one was what it wrong? Thought number two was hubby must have called him in as reinforcement. It actually turned out he was just sitting in the backyard and decided to call. I call that inspiration. Of course, anytime I am around my parents I turn into a ten year old and I just continued on bawling into the phone. I am sure he thought that I was being held hostage or something. I remember when I was little, whenever I was crying, my dad would tell me go put cold water on your face. I still sometimes do that. This time he just listened to me sob things like I have no purpose, if I left nobody would even notice or the sky is never even blue here, it is so gross. Of course I felt guilty for letting anyone in on my misery. I am grateful for my dad. I have always been his "baby" and his voice calmed me when I needed it.

If you know me in person this all might come as a surprise to you, or maybe not. As I've said before, I am pretty much known to be chipper, perky and joyful. But I am also one to wear my emotions on my sleeve. How can this be?

So after I seriously talked to my husband about going somewhere so that my misery would not affect the children (like I ever would), something miraculous happened.  .  . I started my period. And like the flip of a switch a silver lining began to shine through. (Did I really just use two clichés in one sentence?) It was as if all the raging hormones stopped boiling and were just at a steady simmer. 

Now I had to clean up and make repairs after the hurricane that had passed. When I googled "sever depression right before period" it was amazing how common this really is. I felt validated that millions of other women suffer just like me. But nobody wants to acknowledge or talk about it. Are there really people out there that still believe depression is a choice or that PMS is just being manipulative? It frustrated me when I would read articles on happiness and it would say things like look at a sunset and notice God's beauty around you. Obviously things like that were written by people who have just been sad, not in the depths of despair. I already write in a gratitude journal!

I did learn a few things through these grueling two days. First, my husband is a patient, loving guy. ( I didn't really learn that for the first time last week)  Second, I believe these two days were as difficult as they were because I hadn't exercised in over three weeks. We all hear that exercise is as good for your mind as it is for your body, but I'd like to add that it is good for your hormones too. I really believe that constant exercise helps to keep them in check. 

Just another reason that I MUST exercise for the rest of my life! 

Greatness

Enough Said.

Emotional Happiness~ The Search

I am a grown woman. By now I thought I would know how to be happy. I am not talking about unrealistic happiness, just light- hearted happiness. . . joy.  

I don't. 

Here is what I do know. . . 

Looking back at my childhood, my patterns have been consistent my entire life. People would describe me as outgoing, confident, happy and even "perky". On the inside I am emotionally needy, only those close to me realize this. Because I am egocentric my feeling of value comes from being validated, complimented and my "love language" is words of affirmation. I have relied too heavily on these things for my own happiness. I rely on others to make me feel valued, therefore happy. This is a big task for others and has resulted in unhappiness on my part.

I always thought I was too selfish to give up who I am. But after being married for seventeen years and a mother of two, that is just what I've done. We are told to sacrifice for our spouses, supporting them in their careers. We are told that being a mother is the most rewarding job there is. I do enjoy being a wife and a mother. But for some reason I have made guilt my "go to" emotion when I seek any pleasure for myself. Guilt has encrusted over what makes me happy so much that I don't even know what it is anymore. 

I am a spiritual person. I truly believe "As you center your mind and heart in the Lord, He will help you have a full and rich life." I must not be doing it right. Am I ungrateful? Am I selfish? 

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, 

"Nothing can bring you happiness but yourself." 

Abraham Lincoln said, 

“People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Questions to Ponder. . .

• Now that I know I've given up too much of myself, how do I get it back?
• I do feel joy when I serve others, my children and my husband. When I serve outside of my family I do not feel the need for appreciation. How do I establish that selfless service for my family, especially my husband?
• How do I feel joy without it coming from something someone else does or says?
• What do I need to do differently to center my mind and heart on the Lord?
• What brings me joy?
• How do I choose happiness? How do I establish self-mastery?

My Body Image~ warning: it's not a pretty one

It is no secret that I struggle with body image issues. 

Here is a fantastic blogpost about it from another great blogger. When I read her post I felt as though she was writing the exact words from my mind! Read it and see if you can relate. It really got me thinking.

 No matter how old we are, what size we are, what we eat daily. . .  WE ALL STRUGGLE. 

Our struggles may be different, but nevertheless we have them. 

Here is a very honest and open look at my struggles.

What I know:

• I know I was created by God. 
• I know my body is simply a vessel to house my spirit. 
• I know that it is my responsibility to keep that vessel as healthy as I can because it is a gift. 
• There are a few parts of my body that I don't have issues with.
• I know if I had a better self image and self worth I could be so much happier!

Period. I don't just believe it, I know it!

Lies I Constantly Tell Myself:

• I would be much happier if I was skinny. Not healthy (because I am), skinny! 
• I would be more deserving of love if I were skinny.
• I must not be ______________ (insert adjective like smart, clever, dedicated, etc) because I am not skinny.
• I am not pretty, sexy, cute or desirable.
• Other people who are skinny are better people because they have control or self-discipline over their weight.

These are so disgusting and I hate that they go through my mind on a daily basis!

Questions:

• How do I break the link between looks and self-worth?
• How do people view me as "confident" when I have all of these terrible lies in my head?
• How do I stop looking at every single woman that passes by me and stop comparing myself to her?
• How do I start enjoying events, vacations, occasions instead of thinking that it would be a better time if I were thin?
• How do I stop thinking about my body thousands of times throughout the day?
• When do we start loving ourselves for our other attributes?  I am almost 40 for crying out loud!
• How did I get this way in my head?
• How can I prevent it in my children, especially my daughter?
• How do I break this cycle and still be motivated to be healthy?

All of these are important questions. If you have any insight I would love to hear it either by email or comments. 

Can you relate to anything I've said? 

Can you relate to anything in the other post? 

How have you combated these challenges?

I am not fat anymore!

This week I have come to a couple of conclusions. . . 

I am not fat anymore!

Mind you, I am not skinny either.

I like to think of myself now as someone with "problem areas". ahem. . .ARMS, tummy and thighs!

This is just another milestone on the journey of getting healthy

and motivation to KEEP GOING!

I am not even close to being where I want to be yet, but I am SO MUCH CLOSER!

I have been known to be frustrated at the slow progress on the scale. Nah, who me? I definitely wanted that number lower at this point. But a thought occurred to me yesterday and it is this. . .

I am not and have not been dieting. Period.

I exercise every day (except Sunday and when I was sick, even a couple times on vacation). I get a little obsessed with exercising. My diet naturally fell into step with choosing healthier foods and counting my calories. It may sound like a diet but I have not deprived myself one single bit. On Sunday we went to friends' for dinner and I had a brownie with ice cream. If I am craving sweets I allow myself some chocolate chips. I don't reward myself with food but I don't deny myself when it is a NEED either. The trick is to not need it all the time. There is no guilt when I do indulge a bit because I know I did the time at the gym. 

The point is. . . yes, I could've probably been down those last 8 pounds by now. But I would've been miserable along the way. 

I am celebrating the successes along the way! 

You should too!