I wasn't always the athlete you see now!

One of my worries is that you see my posts about running, eating healthy and exercise and you think, "I can never do what she does. She has never been where I am at."

I want you to know that I HAVE BEEN THERE. For well over a decade of my life I was very overweight. Food controlled my actions and thoughts. I was depressed and miserable. It affected my relationships, my spirituality and my job. The consistent happiness I felt came from food and, even though t was temporary, I used it more and more often. My children brought me great joy, but that was quickly masked with doubts about deserving THEIR love.

The person you see now, posting and motivating you is that same person. Over time, I have peeled away the layers of self-doubt and with every step in the right direction I have become the person I am today. It does take the decision that YOU ARE BETTER than a life of misery. We ALL deserve happiness, TRUE happiness that comes from inside rather than a pastry.

How? By taking small steps today in the right direction. You don't have to change everything, all at once.
1. Today, decide, that YOU are worth it! Struggling with that? I can help. Message me and I will personally talk to you about it. Because I have been there. And I know how it feels.
2. Once you have decided that you ARE WORTH IT, choose to step on that path. Scared you will fail? Yep! We ALL are! But you won't know if you can succeed unless you take that first step.
3. Take someone's hand. Support was the magic for me to keep me going when I wanted to fail. Who wants to fail? I did! When it got hard and I wanted that instant gratification that food gave me my support helped me to remember WHY I was on this journey. I can be that support for you! I am grateful for a friend that told me she believed in me and didn't know that she was changing the course of my life!

I have been there. Don't ever doubt that! I can help you!  Jen

Where To Find Me!

TBT- What a DIFFERENCE!

OH HEAVENS!

2011

 Above wasn't even my highest weight. 

I thought I was looking pretty darn good on that trip. 

2013- we look SO MUCH younger!

Honestly, one of the greatest blessings is that we are healthy as a couple and as a family now! I can rest easy at night knowing that I am doing all I can for my family to live longer, to feel better and BE HAPPIER! 

I have a COUPLES CHALLENGE GROUP staring on Feb 17th, in honor of Valentine's Day! 

I still have room for two more couples. Wanna join us?

 IT IS GOING TO BE SO MUCH FUN!

From the BOTTOM of my heart

From the BOTTOM of my heart~

This quote is why I do what I do! It is the fiber of this page, my job and my LIFE. I feel like God has given me the gift of "putting myself out there" and I do JUST THAT. (See yesterday's post on @Behindtherefrigeratordoor:) My goal is to inspire, help and teach you to be the BEST YOU CAN BE!

I have made this my full-time job now, as you know, YAY! I take it just as seriously as when I taught kiddos. My whole heart is in it.* NOT TO MAKE MONEY OR SELL YOU ANYTHING* But to share my story, transformation and skills to help and inspire YOU. Please know that I will share my passion with you and offer you great deals. I will ALWAYS give you opportunities to grow, change and SUCCEED!

I LOVE what I do and feel so BLESSED to have found my passion! With that being said, I have THREE spots left for my next challenge that begins on Nov 4th, you ready to change your life? Grab those spots quick!

Need more planning? Prep now for my awesome challenge that will start after the NEW YEAR! IT is NOT anything like my other groups, this is an ULTIMATE RESET for 2014! What is it? Ask me! 

Thank you for your support! You make my life have purpose and joy!

My Health and Fitness Story

I got this great idea to talk to you, rather than type to you. I hope you enjoy this opportunity for us to get to know each other better! Yes, I mean it. This is not for me to just talk, talk, talk. . . it is for me to open up and allow you to open up too! Email, message, comment, call! However you want to connect I am totally here for YOU!

ENJOY!

Skin & Bones? No way!

It took me a long time to figure this out! How about you?

Froggy Legs

I have been extremely happy with my body image progress. However, sometimes when I catch a glimpse of my legs this memory crosses my mind.

When I was in high school I went with my boyfriend's family to their cabin. The cabin sat on the banks of a river and it was a tradition for the family to go "froggin". The guys put on waders, headlamps and carried custom made spears. I joined them that dark night until I viewed exactly what froggin' was all about. Let''s just say that the headlamp confused the frogs and well, I bet you can guess what the spear was for. I quickly decided to join the women in the kitchen prepping for the feast. Once the guys returned with no frog bodies, just the legs, I realized what was coming next. I distinctly remember my boyfriend's mom pulling the skin off the legs and saying, "it is just like taking off panty hose". She was so funny and cute and I couldn't help but become enthusiastic. Soon after, we ate the frog legs and of course someone said, "they taste just like chicken." 

You know what? 

They really did!

I haven't eaten frog legs since, but like I said, I often am reminded of when I had them.
You know what? Frog legs are awesomely muscular...how else would they be able to leap? 
I am proud of my muscular froggy legs!

Body Image- Focus on the Positive

I am so grateful to hear more about positive body image in the media. As a woman who STILL struggles with the compulsion to "be skinny" and being a mother of a teenage daughter, I work hard to fight the urge to be negative, to not associate my worth to how I look and to be a good role model to my children. 

Hats off to celebs like Christina Aguilera, Demi Lovato, Selma Hayak and Kate Winslet who speak out about loving themselves despite working in a pressure filled "skinny" society. As a matter of fact, Amy Poehler inspired this blog post. I completely fall into the category of  looking to the worst part of my body in the mirror and focusing on the parts I want to change the most. In an effort to change that I am going to try hard to list as many positive attributes of my body as I can. I urge you to do the same. 

• I think my ankles and wrists are feminine.
• I like the length of my neck and that it is not wrinkly (yet).
• I have been known to tell my closest friends how much I love the size of my boobs.
• I like the hazel color of my eyes. 
• I like my muscular calves, thanks mom.
• I enjoy being petite, barely being 5 foot.
• I am grateful I can run and be active.
• I am thankful that I have had no serious health concerns.
• I appreciate the fact that I don't get sick too often.
• I am happy that I am still flexible.
• I am thrilled I can write, type and do things without being sore from arthritis.
• I am thankful that I can hear well.
• I am happy with the size of my feet, not too big or too small.
• I am grateful for the fact that my body carried two healthy children. It really is amazing.
• I like being on the muscular side, I should've pursued a gymnastics career.
• My husband still calls me hot and I love that.

What an interesting process! It baffled me that with every positive comment I thought of a negative one popped into my mind. For example, I do love the size of my boobs but wish they were a bit more firm. TMI? Wrong blog. This really showed me that it is not natural or easy to point out the good things about our bodies. Maybe because some of us were told by our grandmothers to not be  conceited? Maybe because we began telling ourselves negative things at such an early age and it is habit? Oh how we need to change that in our rising generation! 

It is essential that I work on the skill of turning around negative thoughts daily. It is not going to happen on it's own (at least it hasn't over the last 40 years). I, also, am going to do another one like this but about who I am on the inside. It will be a struggle to fight the instinct to criticize, but it is so needed.

Did you take my challenge to do this? 

Did you get anything out of it?

Greatness

Enough Said.

My Body Image~ warning: it's not a pretty one

It is no secret that I struggle with body image issues. 

Here is a fantastic blogpost about it from another great blogger. When I read her post I felt as though she was writing the exact words from my mind! Read it and see if you can relate. It really got me thinking.

 No matter how old we are, what size we are, what we eat daily. . .  WE ALL STRUGGLE. 

Our struggles may be different, but nevertheless we have them. 

Here is a very honest and open look at my struggles.

What I know:

• I know I was created by God. 
• I know my body is simply a vessel to house my spirit. 
• I know that it is my responsibility to keep that vessel as healthy as I can because it is a gift. 
• There are a few parts of my body that I don't have issues with.
• I know if I had a better self image and self worth I could be so much happier!

Period. I don't just believe it, I know it!

Lies I Constantly Tell Myself:

• I would be much happier if I was skinny. Not healthy (because I am), skinny! 
• I would be more deserving of love if I were skinny.
• I must not be ______________ (insert adjective like smart, clever, dedicated, etc) because I am not skinny.
• I am not pretty, sexy, cute or desirable.
• Other people who are skinny are better people because they have control or self-discipline over their weight.

These are so disgusting and I hate that they go through my mind on a daily basis!

Questions:

• How do I break the link between looks and self-worth?
• How do people view me as "confident" when I have all of these terrible lies in my head?
• How do I stop looking at every single woman that passes by me and stop comparing myself to her?
• How do I start enjoying events, vacations, occasions instead of thinking that it would be a better time if I were thin?
• How do I stop thinking about my body thousands of times throughout the day?
• When do we start loving ourselves for our other attributes?  I am almost 40 for crying out loud!
• How did I get this way in my head?
• How can I prevent it in my children, especially my daughter?
• How do I break this cycle and still be motivated to be healthy?

All of these are important questions. If you have any insight I would love to hear it either by email or comments. 

Can you relate to anything I've said? 

Can you relate to anything in the other post? 

How have you combated these challenges?

I am not fat anymore!

This week I have come to a couple of conclusions. . . 

I am not fat anymore!

Mind you, I am not skinny either.

I like to think of myself now as someone with "problem areas". ahem. . .ARMS, tummy and thighs!

This is just another milestone on the journey of getting healthy

and motivation to KEEP GOING!

I am not even close to being where I want to be yet, but I am SO MUCH CLOSER!

I have been known to be frustrated at the slow progress on the scale. Nah, who me? I definitely wanted that number lower at this point. But a thought occurred to me yesterday and it is this. . .

I am not and have not been dieting. Period.

I exercise every day (except Sunday and when I was sick, even a couple times on vacation). I get a little obsessed with exercising. My diet naturally fell into step with choosing healthier foods and counting my calories. It may sound like a diet but I have not deprived myself one single bit. On Sunday we went to friends' for dinner and I had a brownie with ice cream. If I am craving sweets I allow myself some chocolate chips. I don't reward myself with food but I don't deny myself when it is a NEED either. The trick is to not need it all the time. There is no guilt when I do indulge a bit because I know I did the time at the gym. 

The point is. . . yes, I could've probably been down those last 8 pounds by now. But I would've been miserable along the way. 

I am celebrating the successes along the way! 

You should too!

The first six weeks....

Five weeks ago I posted this post about taking a picture of myself in a sports bra and bathing suit bottoms. I cannot tell you how great of motivation that has been for me this past month! That visual burned into my brain and I would work harder and harder to make sure that ickiness would be a distant memory! I encourage anyone who is visual or has a distorted body image to try this technique!

So you wanna know the results? I am completely happy with the progress of the latest picture I took today! I can see a significant difference, especially in my arms and mid section. Of course I am not at all how I want to look yet, but I am thrilled that I am headed in that direction. I lost a total of 6.8 pounds and wore a pair of jeans today that were completely comfortable that I could not wear 5 weeks ago. Hooray!

So what have I been doing? Well...I am grateful that I have the time to dedicate to this. I do an hour of cardio everyday. Every other day I run for 40 minutes and swim for 20 minutes. On the opposite days I do the elliptical for 40 minutes and some other aerobic activity for the 20, lately I've been running again but focusing on sprint increments. Everyday I do resistance training, core and stretching. After all this is said and done the last thing I crave is fried, fatty food so that has helped with my calorie intake a lot. I still crave sweets. I still record everything I eat and make sure I allow myself a handful of chocolate chips everyday. 

I like to say that "my moons are aligned" right now. 

10 pounds to my next goal and 31 days until my next picture!

Let's do it!

Love This!

A friend found this on "pinterest" and thought of me! I LOVE it!

I need to be

skinnier.

love myself.

Think About What You Are Thinking About

~This post is very personal and honest. I write it publicly only in hopes that my struggles can help someone else that may be feeling the same as I do. Please treat this with respect~

It's no secret that I think about how I look a lot of the time. How vain is that? But it is very rarely positive.

I do it when I see myself in pictures and mirrors. 

(it doesn't help that our apartment complex has floor to ceiling mirrors in the elevators 

that I ride many times a day). Before you say, "take the stairs"...we live on floor 11.

It dawned on me (while I was exercising, mind you) that ALL negative thoughts come from Satan. 

ALL of them (period). 

 I look at myself and see big arms, a tummy and a stocky body and I think, "I hate my body", "I wish I could be different", "I am not good enough because I look like this" and worst of all "I don't deserve _______ because of the way I look". Horrifying that I am a week from my 39th birthday and I still deal with these thoughts. I can only imagine what our tween, teen and young adult daughters are thinking! 

(that is an entire different post)

Are any of these thoughts congruent with a loving Father in Heaven that created us and that loves us for who our Spirit is? No! 

How dare I disrespect His creation! How dare I take His love for me for granted!

I know that Satan in miserable and he uses this tool to make us (especially women) miserable like him. So when I have these thoughts, he celebrates...he wins...I am in his power.

So how do we change these patterns, that in my case are 38 years in the making? I found this excellent article here. It talks about negative thoughts. This applies to any negative thoughts whether it be related to body image, self-worth, sexual immorality, violence, other people (racism, judgement), etc...any negative thoughts are part of Satan's tool for us to be miserable!

I know that I will start to resist the negative thoughts that Satan is using to entangle me. 

How about you?

Pudgy Frustration

So we have lived in Beijing, China for a little over a month now. It has been full of joy and sorrow, sometimes all in one day! But more about that on my other blog.

This post is ALL about the psychological toll placed on me, and other women, due to our body image.

Here in China it is no secret that the women are tiny. I have seen more anorexic women here then at home. Although, something tells me that I am much more observant here (about everything) because it is all so foreign. But the Chinese women are just built very different from American women. However, I have come to know a handful of American women here through church. Many of them are teeny tiny also, and I am not just talking "skinny".

Why? 

Not why are they like this? (although that would be nice to know too) But why do I care? Look, I am less than a month away from my 39th birthday. I am handling the whole "approaching forty" thing okay (ask me again in one year), but what I am not handling okay is why am I still not liking myself for who I am? When am I going to finally accept myself and enjoy life?

I was sort of, in a way, getting to a place that resembled my own self-acceptance back home. But here, being thrown into a pool of insecurity, I am just a mess in my head. I am constantly comparing myself to the women here. I feel like a pudgy, squishy dough woman. Forget looking for clothes (although I am really happy H&M is here and they sell American sizes). 

I just really, really wonder when I am going to stop letting how I feel about myself get in the way of the great moments and memories I am making.

I continue to exercise six days a week, plus the added walking I am doing daily. My food intake I am trying to have one "regular" meal a day with the others as healthy alternatives. It just gets so frustrating when you put in so much thought energy and physical energy into one thing, and you still feel bad about it. 

I spoke to a "twenty something" woman the other day and she thinks about her body a lot too. Do all women do this, no matter weight, culture, age? Is this who we are and is it innate?

 I sometimes think what life would be like if all food had the same nutritional value...maybe then those of us who are pudgy wouldn't be...or at least maybe then we wouldn't be obsessed about it. What do others think when they see a tiny, petite woman? What do others think when they see a woman who has extra padding in certain spots? What are the assumptions or stigmas placed on both of these groups? I, for one, always think the tiny girls are more in control and are more successful than ones like me. Is this true? No way! But I still think it. Scary stuff!

How about you? 

Has any of this ever crossed your mind?

Or am I just the only crazy one?

Old habits~ New place

If you keep up with my other blog, you will know that we have moved!

We have not moved to just a new house, or a new state, or even across the country. We have moved all the way around the world to a new continent, a new country and a new city! Beijing, China!

I knew that with this transition, exercise would be so important to me. Like many others, it is often the first thing to sacrifice when life gets busy or stressed. Also, like so many others, that is when we need it the most.

I am happy to say that before we left, while all of my earthly possessions were being packed up, I kept a pretty consistent work out schedule. Now, as I am entering my third week in my new home, I am happy to report that I have consistently exercised six days a week! What is my motivation? How do I do it amongst all the change and unknown?

I am so glad you asked:)

1. I NEED IT~ I've mentioned before that I run more for my mental health than my physical health. When I run here I feel normal. I don't need to speak the language to run, I am just me. My music is the same. My clothes are the same. My feet and body are the same. In a place where everything is so different, the "sameness" of running helps me so much.
2. The food is not healthy~ Despite walking so much just to get around, I still feel like my calorie in and calorie out is skewed. Mostly everything here is fried, oily, buttery, etc. Fruits and vegetables are in abundance, which is fabulous! But lean meat is not. Forget ground turkey instead of ground beef. Forget white meat chicken instead of dark. Those things are available in international grocery stores, but they do cost a lot more.
3. I feel HUGE here~ I am the first to admit that my body image has never been good. But here, thrown right into the mix of tiny women, all my body parts just seem to be much bigger. We have skinny girls in America (we all know the emphasis that is made on bodies) but these women here are different. Their bodies are petite everywhere. I try not to let it affect me, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't.
4. I don't want to be heavier when I go home.

I feel grateful, every single day, that I began running last year. I feel grateful that I have the motivation to do it while I am here. I feel grateful that I have a beautiful place right near our apartment to run.

"Fort Knox" of sportsbras!

Whovever said shoes were the only thing you needed for running was wrong! I've always bought my sportsbras at Target and they seemed to be okay. Well... my daughter videotaped me crossing the finish line and when I watched it all I could think was,"MY BOOBS ARE OUT OF CONTROL!" It was then and there that I vowed for that never to be the case again!

A couple of weeks ago I went to Nordstrom and got fitted for new bras! Get this...my size went down 3 sizes, however my cup size went from double letters to triple! Hooters here I come! I was acutally thrilled! All who know me well, know that my boobs are one part of my body that I do not have issues with...until the said video.

After looking all around town for a sports bra that would "hold it all in" I finally decided to go to the running store. This is what I found and boy is it great! No movement whatsoever!!

Enell Lite- They are pricey but worth it!

WHO ARE YOU?

Here is what I am!

• a daughter of God
• a woman
• a wife
• a mother
• a daughter
• a sister
• a friend
• a teacher
• a reader
• a decorator
• an organizer
• a volunteer
• a coordinator
• a hostess
• a student

the list can go on and on!

But WHY is it that sometimes all I feel I am is:

• short
• plump
• squishy
• frumpy
• sloppy
• uncute
• yucky!
  

Above is a recent picture of me with three great friends! This picture says it all. I am always the shortest, always the chubbiest and no matter how positive I try to be...it takes a toll! I guess you can say that sometimes I feel like Mater instead of Lightning! I should just get shorter friends! LOL

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS: I'VE LOST 10 POUNDS SINCE THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN...SO MAYBE I CAN STICK TO THE FIRST LIST INSTEAD OF THE SECOND FROM NOW ON!

???WHO ARE YOU???

~mirror mirror on the wall~

One of the things I did recently was to buy a full length mirror. It may sound silly but I have never had a full length mirror. My experience with mirrors is standing on toilets to see from my knees to my neck in the vanity mirror. I am not sure if it was subconsciously avoiding on my part, but I am here to tell you...IF YOU DO NOT HAVE A FULL LENGTH MIRROR, GET ONE NOW! Here are some things I have learned by actually seeing my full body (grey roots down to unmanicured toes) in the mirror.

1. When I stand there naked I look like one of those "before" Hydroxycut people in a swimsuit. NOT GOOD!
2. There are some outfits that I really like that make me look horrible!
3. There ARE parts of my body that I actually like (besides my boobs).
4. Jeans ARE my friends, not my enemies.
5. A good bra IS as important as Oprah said it was. (One of the only things I agree with Oprah on)
6. My hair and face are not the first place your eyes go when wearing the wrong thing.
7. Accessories are an asset to any look.

Have you had any epiphanies while looking in the mirror? I want to hear them or any other thoughts on the whole mirror subject!

~Attention size 2, 4, 6, 8~

I want to hear from YOU too! I know that as women, no matter what size we are, there are always things that bug us about our bodies.
Do you see yourself as you truly are?
What is it like being on your side of the fence?
Do you work hard to stay where you are at?